by Caydence Coe

Created on: August 02, 2008

Children have a naturally inquisitive nature. It is only normal for a child to ask questions, but in some circumstances, the answers can often be difficult to provide. It is when an adult is faced with questions such as these, that they feel the need to respond in one of two ways. They can either lie about the event or problem in question, or simply convince the child that it never existed. Both of these temporary solutions will have long term effects on how the child mentally deals with problems in later life, and the more severe the situation in question is, the more it has an impact on the child.

For instance, when you chose to lie to a child there are three possible outcomes. The lesser worrying of the three is that the child will grow up to be gullible. This can lead to allsorts of dilemmas whereby the child will trust and believe anybody they may encounter. Another product of lying to a child, is that the child may resent you when they discover that you were not truthful with them, and again the severity of the lie told will directly correlate with the child's reaction. Thirdly, not only will the child learn that it is ok to lie, but they will also learn how to lie convincingly. From you.

However in my opinion, it is better to lie to a child, and later confess to it, than to completely avoid the subject. When an adult denies that there has ever been a problem, the child is left to make their own decisions as to what is the correct behaviour in the said circumstances. When there is a dilemma within the family the child needs to know what the right and wrong elements are, to prevent them making the same mistakes in the future.

It is often proven that the children of victims of domestic violence go on become the victim or abuser in similar relationships in later life. This is not entirely because it was demonstrated to them at an early age, but mainly because they were never told that it was wrong. They were left to develop their own ideas, and because it was seemingly accepted, they believed there was nothing wrong with the way their parents behaved.

Again the same result is shown in victims of sexual abuse. In cases whereby the parent avoids taking action regarding a child's allegation, the child learns that it is ok for somebody to use them in a sexual way. Hence why victims of sexual abuse often go on to have a string of unhappy relationships, can be somewhat promiscuous, or even become involved in prostitution because that is what feels normal to them.

In conclusion, it is always a bad idea to introduce a child to denial and deceit. The only person that benefits from such actions is the adult, and as mentioned earlier, it is only a temporary solution. The truth always comes out eventually, and the damage caused is often much worse than the moment of embarrassment the adult would have felt had the truth been told.

When a parent explains a situation to a child, no matter how uncomfortable it may make them feel, the child will learn by example. They will learn the correct way to deal with the situation, they will learn the rights and wrongs, and the child will also learn to trust and respect your judgement, which I'm sure is something that all parent strive to achieve.

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