4 of 27

Write now Article Tools

Page 2 of 2

yourself first, no matter how selfish that may sound. By the time I was 21, I had shot Heroin. My days only consisted of OxyContin, Heroin, or any other Opiate that I could get my hands on. I would wake up violently ill from Opiate withdrawals every morning, and I would "find my ways" to get money for that next high. Everything was about that next high. I wasn't using to get high anymore; I was using to not be sick. I had been to about 8 detoxes, 4 rehabs, 3 out-patient programs, hundreds of NA/AA meetings, one halfway house, and I was on a Methadone clinic. I was on my 2nd leave of absence from college and I had exhausted the help of my friends and family. I was on my own. The Methadone alleviated my cravings and it made it a little easier. Finally, in the end of January 2006, at the age of 21, I snorted my last Opiate and I never looked back.

Granted, I am only 24, but I have seen a lot in my years of chaos. I got off the Methadone in early 2008 and, although it's only been about 6 months, I feel like my old self. The old me that used to laugh, that used to cry, that used to feel. I am going back to school in the fall and I have goals again. Every day is a struggle. Every day I think about how much I miss the feeling of "being jammed", as it's referred to around here. I think about it all the time. But after so many programs, I have the tools I need to get through the cravings. I can now "play the tape through", as they say in Narcotics Anonymous. Yeah, that OxyContin may make me feel better for the time being, but I try to think about the aftermath. About how guilty I would feel after all of the hard work I've done to get my life back. And it wouldn't just be one. Once I did one, it would lead to another, and before I know it, I'd be on a run. Because that's the disease of addiction and I will always be an addict. I just have to learn not to get complacent. I have to remember where I came from. That horrible, dark place where I came from and to where I never want to return.

Recovery makes the sun brighter, the trees greener, and the sky bluer. I have a long road ahead, but I am confident. I feel lucky, in a sense, that I experienced what I did because I came out a much better person than I went in. I entered as a child and walked out as a woman. For that I am forever grateful.

Learn more about this author, Miss Kim.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2

Add your voice

Know something about Recovery from substance abuse?
We want to hear your view. Write now!