by Ernest Smartt

Created on: August 01, 2008

While we are seeking to show respect for others, we unconsciously find respect for ourselves. It is true that to genuinely respect others one must respect themselves. How to show respect is a learned behavior, having respect is an indwelling characteristic of the person. A person can actually show respect, even when inwardly there is no respect. Teens know how to be respectful, and in the schools the majority of them actually do show respect. Showing respect, like showing disrespect, can be a means of survival. By showing respect one can be manipulating another person in order to get a particular response of favor. That is often a form of survival. Of course that is not genuine respect.

If we spend much time in the schools we will discover that it is not just the teens who show disrespect. There in lies an issue which, if turned around, can be the very thing that can teach our teens that respect is a good thing. Most teachers and administrators are very respectful, however the ones who are not seem not to be confronted with it. If there was more emphasis on the adults showing respect to the teens, the reverse would follow at some point. Adults show disrespect for the same reasons that teens do. It is a universal problem.

There are many factors that play a role in why teens show disrespect. It is precisely those factors that hold the main clues for turning this problem around. For example, if disrespect is because of a self-esteem issue, we must try to deal with the self-esteem issue respectfully and carefully. The first step is to try to identify a root cause. Disrespect is a symptom of other things.

What are some of the reasons some teens refuse to show respect, and even demonstrate total disrespect? The answer may often found in this little phrase, "Men with clenched fists cannot shake hands". Disrespect is often a reflection of anger and bitterness. However, disrespect is a symptom of more than just anger and bitterness, it is connected to self-pride, feelings of hopelessness, lack of self-esteem, and many other negative issues in their lives. Teens will model after their parents, other adults, anyone they look up to. If these people demonstrate disrespect on a regular basis, the student will do the same in many cases.

Respect is not something we have to earn. While the victim of disrespect may be a part of the cause, the problem lies within the person showing the disrespect. Even though respect is not something we have to earn, we often do earn disrespect. We all need to work on this area in our lives. The first phrase in this article, "While we are seeking to show respect for others, we unconsciously find respect for ourselves, " is a great place for us to start perfecting our efforts in respect. We will respect ourselves more for it.

Teens will not automatically admire their teachers.The most respectful students will show admiration more easily than those who have a respect problem. However, admiration is often hidden. A student may have great admiration for the teacher, and look up to the teacher with respect but never say so. Teachers need to believe that there are many students out there like that. With respect comes admiration. When the teachers consistently show respect, they will be admired by the students. However, unlike respect, admiration is an earned behavior. If a person is admired, both parties are to be complimented. The one who admires you will listen and follow instructions most of the time.

Students can still be molded, even the hardest ones. We just have to be persistent and consistent in our efforts to model for them what we want from them.

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