by Terry Marsh

Created on: August 01, 2008   Last Updated: November 25, 2008

The topic of past relationships can be a delicate subject.

People in love will sometimes ask questions that they don't really need answers to. But, there are also times that we volunteer too much information in our quest for complete and total honesty.

I've learned in my relationships not to ask, unless I really want to know. I've also learned that if I ask, then I should be emotionally prepared for the answers.

Asking a woman about her romantic past can be a crushing experience if you're not emotionally stable in your relationship. But, if I make thedecision to ask, I'd certainly make sure that I ask before we were married.

If a woman offers the information without being asked is another issue entirely. But even then, if it wasn't a topic of conversation before the marriage, why open that can of worms?

To volunteer information about past relationships can be a risk, particularly if that past has been an active one. Even the most open-minded of men want to believe that they are marrying a woman with limited sexual experience.

Personally, I think that if a woman wants to disclose such personal information, then it's her prerogative. But I do believe that she should consider several factors before spilling the beans.

Is He Emotionally Secure Enough For Your Honesty?

Some guys can handle the truth, and some can't. If your husband is the type of person who has jealous tendencies or harbors resentments, then you're better off leaving well enough alone. The last thing that you'd want is for your relationship to change because of his insecurities.

An active dating background may be misinterpreted by some men as an active sexual background, even when that may not be the case. You had better be certain that he can handle the truth before offering information that can be taken out of context.

But if he does ask, then it's always better to tell him the truth. The last thing that you want is for him to find that you've lied about your past.

What Is His Level of Emotional Maturity?

This has nothing to do with age. Some younger men may be able better emotionally equipped to handle what may be perceived as negative information than some older men. Particularly if he is someone who has been emotionally burned a time or two in the past.

Younger couples generally have fewer past experiences to confess. But, that's not always the case. Regardless of age, you don't want to dump something on him that he is not emotionally equipped to handle. It may become regretable in the long run.

Who Are The People In Your Past?

To some women, this might be a "none of your business" type of question. And most women wouldn't volunteer names unless pushed into a corner. But if you're considering opening the pages of your past, be sure that it doesn't include one or more of his friends that he doesn't already know you've dated.

Revealing past relationships with your the friends of your spouse could be like lighting the fuse on a ticking time-bomb. Once again, the husband's emotional security comes into play, but even the most emotionally adjusted man doesn't want to know that his wife has been intimate with his golfing buddies.

As far as I'm concerned, this falls under the category of "don't ask, don't tell", but again, if the question comes up, it's best to be honest. You don't want him to find out from the friend.

I still believe that this is a topic that should be discussed before entering into marriage. It's one of those topics that nust be considered "honest disclosure". Sort of like whether a man has children, individual debt to income ratio, or whether a woman is pregnant by another man.

Some things just need to be out in the open before saying "I do".

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