Just as your daughter has likely been dreaming of this day for what seems like an eternity, you, as the proud mother-of-the-bride have probably given it a thought or two of your own. After all, this coveted parental position also offers you the chance to be the ultimate hostess of the party of a lifetime - your daughter and new son-in-law's wedding reception!

But, first things first. She'll accept a sparkling diamond engagement ring, whisper an emotional yes to his proposal and then rush to call you and her father with the happy news. Once the big moment has taken place, tried and true etiquette suggests that it's up to the groom's parents to make the first phone call among parents. But if they don't, it's fine to step in and break the ice. Invite his parents to dinner or dessert at your home if they live closeby - or plan a rendezvous to celebrate if they're from out of town.

Being the mother-of-the-bride brings joy, but also often a tightrope, of sorts, to tread lightly as the planning begins and continues, up to the big occasion. Sometimes it's tricky to offer your opinion only when asked, and to listen to the bride's dilemmas and decisions instead of responding right away with a suggestion of your own. Your daughter will much appreciate your role as "sounding board" when she and her future husband differ on cake flavors or song choices and she'll just as readily welcome your expertise on various kinds of roses. Give her space and love and respect and the two of you can plan together in perfect harmony while also including the groom and his family.

Traditionally the groom's family hosts the rehearsal dinner, though that varies with family dynamics and social situations. But if they plan to host as scheduled, remember that the reception is your domain and the night before belongs to them. If they're from out of town it's a gracious step to offer suggestions of venues, caterers and florists, but then let the decision be theirs.

On the other hand, the bride's mother is first up to bat when it comes to choosing her attire. And while wedding fashion rules have softened in recent years, it's still wise not to outdo the bride with your wedding day ensemble. That doesn't mean beige and boring - it simply means a color and style that flatters your figure and your personality while also mirroring the formality of the wedding. Once you've made your choice, give the groom's mother a call so she can choose her gown - something that complements but does not compete. Offer to meet her for lunch so you can compare notes, if you wish. That's also a good time to compare guest lists, tally numbers and discuss seating options for the reception, where your goal, as the hostess of the day, is to be make all your guests - family included - feel as comfortable as possible! Your daughter - and your new son-in-law will thank you for many years to come!

Learn more about this author, Mary Memory.
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