I can't read your mind. That is a statement that is a known trigger for me in my household. When I feel that I have communicated my needs and you don't follow through and then use the words I cant read your mind. These are the types of arguments that my husband and I used to have.

The feelings surrounding those statements that trigger us cause our emotions to boil and often times words of anger expressed. It is in these moments that even I don't think rationally and make hurtful comments back.

Some of the most frustrating arguments are when there is a breakdown in communication. Not being on the same level of understanding and making trigger comments to get the other person upset and combative. It is often subconciously that we do these things, and wonder later why if I was only expressing my feelings did the other get so upset.

A classic example of miscommunication is displayed in the above scenario. After time of not learning to communicate you find a large decline in communication, intimacy, and general feelings toward each other. Frustration replaces happiness, and hurt replaces love. All of these lead to ultimate feelings of lost love and in some situations even divorce.

It may seem drastic, but it is happening everyday. We find ourselves in a decline and don't know what else to do. Some couples have learned ways to communicate, and some have learned to reopen the communication with each other and although they still have issues from time to time they have restored their marriage.

To answer my own question No you cannot read my mind, but you can learn to read between the lines and be more objective with your spouse. I have learned that when my spouse makes comments to me I have to break it down and sometimes ask for clarification. He didn't always like my clarification, but he would rather have me clarify than to assume I know what he needs and get it wrong.

Recognizing our trigger and acknowledging that is a key piece in starting communication. Why do these statements bother you so dearly? What kinds of things could have been said to produce a more positive conversation? These are things you need to know and understand yourself before you can learn to express them to your spouse, not allow them to bother you any longer, and how to deal with situations better when these statements are used.

After a time my husband and I wrote down our process of breaking through the communication barrier. We found that this was a constant reminder to us of our commitment to each other and how we would better our communication. It wasnt much more than a short list on each side that we deferred to every now and again. After some time we found that we did the steps without having the reminder. We followed our guidelines without having to be reminded of what our commitment was. It is then we realized we had learned to communicate.

By taking the time to write things down in a list we were able to see for the first time what was truly important to us. Some things quickly came off the list because we realized that the significance of that item wasnt as important to either of us as we had origionally thought and the others held more value to our happiness.

If you are wanting to help your communication and do more with your marriage then starting with the basics is always a good place to go.

Learn more about this author, Melissa Aytche.
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