by wanttomakeadifference

Created on: July 31, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

This summer I have lost fifteen pounds and I would like to lose another ten if possible. Many of my coworkers and friends have commented I really don't need to lose any more weight, but I disagree. Before you dig too deep into this blog, no I do not have an eating disorder (I love food way too much for that) and at 6'2, I weigh around 200 lbs. Most of my adult life I have been relatively thin and healthy, but it wasn't always that way. The following is difficult for me to write about, but when it comes to weight and self-esteem, I believe many of you can relate.

My childhood was not a particularly happy one. I have a wonderful mother, but have had issues with my father for a number of years. My father was a difficult man to live with. In some ways, I think he suffered from low self-esteem and chose to pick on me. Perhaps it was because I was the oldest sibling or the fact my father and I really never had much in common.

My father always seemed to find fault with everything I did and everything I seemed to enjoy. It didn't take very long for me to lose my self-esteem. I had been close to my grandfather on my mother's side and was heartbroken when he died of cancer. My grandfather always made me feel good about myself, something my father never did. Different people deal with stress and self-esteem issues in a variety of ways. I did what many of you did, I ate-A LOT. It didn't take long before I was fat. In fact, I weighed 135 pounds in the fourth grade. It made life difficult not only at home where my father would comment on my weight and at times my mother's weight as well though my mother was never that heavy (and looks great to this day). At school, it wasn't much better either. While I had some wonderful friends, I was often called fat by other kids, especially those that did not know me. It was a shame because once people got to know me, most people seemed to like me. I was a funny child with a passion for sports and was considered bright for my age.

When you are an overweight person, sometimes your accomplishments get overlooked even by yourself. Though I was a straight A student, I felt inferior. When we would play ball in PE class or at recess, I was surprisingly one of the better athletes. I could outshoot many of my friends in basketball and could throw a football with accuracy, but I struggled when it came to running or anything that required cardiovascular stamina.

After the fourth grade, I had enough. I put myself on a very strict 1,000 calorie diet

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