by Stefani Andrews

Created on: July 30, 2008

The choice of living together before marriage seems to be getting more popular by the year, yet the results of all polls seems to be divided as to whether it's a good idea. Personally, I see it as a choice of the individual couple. I would in no way say it is the choice for all couples, or no couples. It works for some, but would not be the best route for everyone.

Those who are debating for the no side seem to universally suggest that divorce rates are higher amongst couples who lived together before marriage. I could find no conclusive evidence either way, except opinion polls. Those opinion polls do suggest that there would be a higher divorce rate. Interestingly enough, a majority is the polled couples who did not live together before marriage stated they believed couples who did would have a higher divorce rate. The couples polled who did live together before marriage believed just the opposite.

For me, living together would seem to be a great test run for a potential marriage. Once the relationship is established and committed (and heading toward marriage), there are a lot of things to consider. You may think that you know someone like the back of your hand, but cohabiting changes a lot. For instance, you may hate the way your potential spouse does their laundry. This may seem like a minor thing, but in ten years when every pair of socks you own is vaguely pink, you may be wishing you had known this sooner.

Everyone has little eccentricities and routines that may not fit with your potential partner's. If you are a light sleeper, and your partner has a tendency to toss and turn throughout the night, you may not wish to spend your life that way. Living together gives you the opportunity to see those eccentricities and decide if you can successfully create a life with that person.

Another instance in which cohabitation would be preferable is in relationships that start out long distance. I am the perfect example. I met my current boyfriend online and have been dating for six months. He lives in England, I live in California. If things go well and we stay together, he will be moving here in a few years. At that point I would have no intention of marrying him before living together for awhile.

Long distance couples do not have the luxury of getting to know their partner in close proximity, or observing how they live their lives. Or how they keep a household, or how they like to go about their daily routine. Especially in the case of relationships across countries, this is impossible to tell until one or the other moves closer. You also run the risk of being intimately incompatible. Living together before making the commitment of marriage gives you a change to determine that compatibility.

All in all, this is a choice that couples have to make for themselves. For me, I think it can have great benefits and ultimately make the resulting marriage even stronger. There are definite situations in which it can be a good idea, but for moral or other reasons is certainly not for everyone. In any case, the couple should be committed and want marriage to be in their future and then determine which course is best for them.

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