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Humor: Health

by Cray Sellars

Your health doesn't really matter. Who cares if you have a funny odor coming from your body? Who cares if you keep falling asleep in the middle of a conversation? Who cares if you keep fainting at restaurants? Your girlfriend really doesn't care if you can perform sexually? She'll just go out and find another guy or girl. Your boyfriend doesn't care if you are unable to perform in the bedroom. He'll just go out and find another girlfriend or boyfriend. Either way you are going to be ecstatic about the whole situation. You might want to go get a checkup dummy.



Your teeth don't really matter at all. Who cares if they are green? Who cares if they are falling out and rotten? Who cares if your breath stinks? Who wants to kiss you anyway? Dentists love people like you. They prey on people like you. People like you pay their bills.



Who cares if you are fat? Who cares if you are overweight? Who cares if you are obese? Nobody cares if you always eat at buffets. No one cares if you get kicked out of restaurants for eating too much food. Who cares if your kids are huge? No one cares that your husband is huge.



Nobody cares if you can't find big enough clothes to fit your ass. Nobody cares if you take up two seats at the movie theater. People don't mind that they can't see around you. They don't regret spending eight dollars to see the movie. No one cares if you take up two seats on the train or bus. It was too much extra space anyway. We don't really notice the loose fat or cellulite. Just because they make it in your size, it doesn't mean you have to wear it. Big people don't look good in any revealing clothes. For God's sake cover up. Clothes don't fit the same when they are stretched to the maximum.



No one cares if you destroy your body. You have more than one,right? You are only responsible for yourself. You don't have a job,a wife or kids. Who wants to be healthy anyway? People love to go to hospitals. It is really fun to spend all day and night in the hospital with your loved one or friend. Not to mention you actually being the one in the hospital. People love to wonder about other people's mortality.



There is nothiong like vising an emergency room. I love filling out papers while I am in excruciating pain. I like being around a bunch of sick strangers. I love being around a lot of snotty-nosed little brat. I like wasting a whole day and night in the emergency room. I don't mind missing out on all the other fun stuff I could be doing. I love missing a whole day of work.

Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA