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officer stops me and asks me about any purchases I may have made from the accused. Of course I deny that I even know the guy, starting to get a little hint of fear, but not enough apparently. I had purchased some cocaine for my boyfriend, and a little on the side for myself, but with the cops outside I couldn't just walk out there with it, I decided to lay low for a while until they left. After what felt like a few hours I though my boyfriend might begin to worry about me, so I was going to call him and let him know what was going on, but my phone was dead, and of course my charger was in the car. So I went out to my car only to be stopped again by the police and this time they were not going to let me go in peace. Needless to say I was arrested that night. FINALLY it hit me, I was dealing with some serious stuff if the cops would put a sweet little girl like me in jail!

I was 18 the summer I got arrested. Luckily I was let off easy with 5 years probation, this was my first offense. Unfortunately, I was still nave, and thought I could get away with doing cocaine as long as I timed it so that it wouldn't show up on my drug tests. Eventually I lost control again, and was up fro three days. Not realizing that I had missed an appointment to see my probation officer. When I called to reschedule she asked me to come in immediately. I failed my second drug test that day. The first failed test didn't count as I had been smoking marijuana and it can stay in your system for quite some time, so there was no way to actually calculate when I had last smoked it. This was it, no more chances, I was being sent to an incarcerated rehabilitation program for six months.

I was weighed before I was admitted into jail. I weight 104 pounds. Not bad I suppose, if your only five feet tall. I am five foot nine. I looked like a cancer patient, something my friends would tell me often, but I never listened. Suddenly I realized how addicted I must be to this drug to let it bring me to this awful place. I knew I didn't belong there with those women, I never wanted to see what we had in common. Throughout the six month sentence I soaked up ever bit of knowledge I could, and tried my hardest to get better. I missed the spark I once had, the happiness. I worked through the 12 step program as best I could and did everything I was told to do. While in the classes they gave us I came to realize my addiction to cocaine had been fueled by many things. First was my father figure issues, which explained why I was constantly looking for my boyfriends approval. Second was my body image issues, I liked being skinny and though I was pretty that way, when in fact I looked like a dying Ethiopian child. Finally were my self esteem issues. When I had the cocaine, everyone wanted to be my friend, I was needed, this is also know as codependency. Only after this realization did it finally click in my head that I was a cocaine addict. I had ruined my family ties, burned friendly bridges, given up on my music career, destroyed my physical body, and let a criminal record ruin my life!

I am proud to say that three years later I am clean, I have dropped contact with all my old drug user friends, rekindled my friendships, found new love, reconnected with my family and grown incredibly as a human being. I know most people don't get it on the first try, but that just goes to show you how lucky I truly am. Someone other than myself recognized that I needed help, and sent that help to me. I graciously accepted.

Learn more about this author, Amelia Borden.
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