by Joseph McCann

Created on: July 30, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

I don't know how old I am, but I've traveled near and far, here and there, for many, many seasons. When I lived in Alaska they called me "Upchuck" (I was allergic to whale entrails!). I could run all day on beautiful highways that went nowhere and chase really big deer that run 3000 miles just to eat grass. Then it dawned on me, if they couldn't find enough grass, maybe they'd eat little dogs. And who could argue with 4 million crazed, very hungry, very large deer, lacking that much fiber? So I decided to do something a little less hazardous. I decided to become a sled dog.

Because I was smaller than the other dogs and new at pulling (I never knew "pulling" was a discipline!), they put me in the back of the line so I'd be safe until I went to "gee" and "haw" school. Well, let me tell you, being behind eleven sled dogs that generally eat 15.000 calories of whale blubber for breakfast before running for 12 hours without a break, has its own set of biochemical challenges. My obvious goal was to immediately work my way toward the front. So I used my wits. I'd grind my teeth, growl and bark and huff and puff, and all the time I'd be along side a brute of a dog pulling his withers off. And it worked.

Even though the front of the pack was much more dangerous, my senses were in ultra high gear. I still had to worry about where I stepped and was always keenly aware of falling in a hole or through thin ice. But I could see the most beautiful wilderness and wildlife without having to look around some big dog's tail, or worse. I would bury my thoughts and imagine myself in the Tour de France running through the winding streets and up the 10 mile climb of the Plateau de Beille, with my yellow bandana flowing in the breeze generated by my blazing speed, the crowds cheering me on in French, telling me not to drink the water.

Then one night, in the middle of the night, while everyone was sleeping, something scattered all the dogs. I froze (pardon the pun) and there he was, the biggest dog I've ever seen.

He was brown and stood on his hind legs a lot, and had really bad breath. But he seemed so sensitive and I was so young. Said he was lonely, wanted companionship, someone to talk to. He had a very masculine appearance, somewhat unkempt but ruggedly handsome. I knew immediately he would take care of me and protect me from life, and unwieldy deer, so I moved in. Then things got really weird. He began to have mood swings as if he was searching his own emotional manifestations. The

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