by Jerry Curtis

Created on: July 30, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Soccer has never been the rage in the United States that it has in Europe and South America. The game lacks that "certain something" that Americans are looking for in a competitive sport. There is no doubt that soccer is a fast-paced game requiring skill, stamina, speed and conditioning, but, to be brutally honest, to most Americans the game is just a bunch men (or women) in shorts running around kicking a ball on a large field and rarely (if ever) scoring. It is, to be honest, boring.

The foregoing is, of course, a vast oversimplification, but it gets to the heart of the matter. We Americans prefer a game where players can use their hands. Soccer, to the average American fan, is the sports equivalent of Irish dancing, where the dancers must keep their arms rigidly by their sides. It just doesn't seem natural somehow. We'd prefer the arm-waving of tap dancers.

In addition to our objecting to the unsatisfactory restriction on using the hands, Americans dislike the unfocused play of soccer and its disproportionate field size. Roughly the size of an American football field, the soccer field has the unfortunate tendency to allow the game to get somewhat out of hand as running players struggle to formulate some coherent game plan that does not include kicking the ball out of bounds or breaking their ankles. Since no one can touch the ball except the goal keeper, and most of the players are very, very skilled, it all gets rather tedious.

We Americans are usually a democratic group, and soccer is a very democratic game that favors speed and skill over size. For that reason, soccer is popular at the kids' level. However, the game has never taken root like collegiate football (not soccer), basketball, or baseball. Since the foregoing sports (especially football and basketball) favor size as well as speed and stamina, American sports fans tend not to be drawn to sports where the big guys fight it out. Baseball, incidentally, is popular because of its symmetry and special skills required.

There are other reasons why Americans don't care for professional soccer. One is that European soccer fans are somewhat gross and boorish. This can be best illustrated by a personal experience my son and I had years ago attending the Scottish Cup Championship in Glasgow, Scotland years ago. (I was stationed with the U.S. Navy in Holy Loch, Scotland at the time, and a group of us sailors were able to get tickets to this really big event.)

We got off the bus at the stadium and headed for the

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