by Brigid Bishop

Created on: July 30, 2008

Surviving an Affair

Is it possible to salvage a relationship when your loved one has been untrue?

Yes, anything is possible, however, this particular possibility is a very difficult one.

First and foremost, you have been hurt, deeply hurt.

No one understands the depth of how much pain an unfaithful spouse or lover can bring to a tender heart more than one who has been through it, and I feel for all who have experienced this particular hell, I've been there myself.

In order for your relationship to successfully get past this point and move forward once again, we must be able to forgive the transgression.

This is very, very difficult, and for some of us, it is an exercise in futility. An inability to forgive this trespass will poison any attempts at truly reconciling the issue. It is very difficult to forgive someone who has inflicted this level of pain on us, and truthfully, some of us are not capable of this level of forgiveness.

Prior to beginning to work on your relationship again, you must first truly examine whether or not you are able to forgive your partner for being unfaithful. Be honest with yourself, this is a key factor in regaining the love you once had for this partner.

All affairs are different. Some are just sexual, some are emotional, and some are just a one night stand. What type of an affair did your partner partake in? Personally, I was more hurt by the fact that my partner became (or risked becoming) emotionally involved than by the sexual or physical aspects of an affair, but everyone is different.

Self Examination.

Are you going to be able to put this out of your mind? Are you ever going to be able to trust your partner again? Is your partner truly willing to be faithful and exclusive to you emotionally and physically from this point on?

Answers to YOUR Questions.

You need to sit down with your partner and ask the painful questions, was it sex, was it love, was it a way out, or was it just a fling? The answers from your partner need to be honest and open, and your partner must feel that you are not going to rip their head off if they tell you the truth in order to feel safe enough to be honest about it.

Is The Affair Over?

Your partner must agree to have absolutely no further contact with the person they cheated with. This, in some cases, can be extremely difficult, especially if the straying spouse had an affair with a coworker and they both still work together. It may warrant your partner changing jobs if this is economically feasible, as unless all

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