by A. D. McDowell

Created on: July 30, 2008

I am a survivor of abuse. I say survivor because I am no longer the victim of physical, verbal and mental abuse. You see, I didn't recognize the early warning signs of an abusive partner, clearly because I was blinded by love. However, I was lucky enough to know I deserve better and to remove myself from my abuser before the potential of losing my life ever manifested. My story is like so many others. As one who has been there, it is my obligation to share my knowledge as I look back with 20-20 vision and the ability to now recognize the early red flags of abuse.

An abusive partner generally starts out slowly, feeling the waters, getting a feel for what they can or can't get away with. Abuse is a progressive situation with many stages. For instance, jealousy may be the first sign. He may question who you were talking to on the phone. Or while in public, he may express concern over another man looking your way. To some, this may just be the signs of a little insecurity. However, pay close attention. Jealousy and eveny are both "evil monsters" waiting and lurking to unleash control and dominance. If you see the signs of jealousy, openly communicate with your partner and see where his feelings are comming from. He may just need reassurance of your committment. Worst case senario, you may have a man who is concerned with controlling and being possessive. If this is the case, it is important that you wiegh your situation very carefully, inform a friend or family member and as peacefully as possible work towards ending the relationship.

After the signs of jealousy, the controlling personality usually comes to light. If you ignored or laughed off his jealous impulses, you've given him grounds to move forward. Next comes the questioning. "Why are you late?" becomes a big issue when you arrive home five minutes late from work. You may explain you had to stop and get gas on the way home, however, this explanation is not good enough. He then demands to see the receipt for your gas purchase. At this point, he is more than likely to begin controlling your schedule, time spent with friends and even re-arranging his schedule to spend more time with you. He may even begin checking up on you at work, following you after work to ensure you go straight home and even checking with your friends and aquiantences in order to follow up on your patterns of behaviors. You soon find that trying to discuss his behavior and jealousy is no longer an option he's willing to deal with. He begins

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