To avoid conflict in our lives, it is often easier to say "yes" than to say "no". Refusing someone causes us to feel guilty and selfish. We want to go along with the request to avoid conflict and to make those around us happy. However, saying "yes" all the time will build resentment and give us a sense that we no longer have control over our lives.

Say "yes" for the right reasons. When a friend needs help, of course you want to be available to them. When helping a friend in need, this gives you a great sense of personal worth. That is what friends are for, to be supportive and accessible.

When we say, "Yes" when we want to say "no" we are not doing the task for the right reasons. This is when saying "yes" will cause problems. We don't need to overload and exhaust ourselves because we do not have the strength to say "no". We can say "no", still be polite, and maintain our self-respect.

It is wonderful to be that person who is helpful and willing to go that extra mile because that is what makes you happy. There should be more people willing to give of themselves. It may never cause a problem or be an issue in your life.

Taking into consideration that saying "no" will disappoint someone makes it that much harder. When we ask someone for help or for a favor, we never expect any other answer but "yes". When we are refused the favor, it is natural to feel a bit rejected and yet we should accept it with grace and always be aware that people have a great deal going on in their lives and can not always be available.

At some point, we have to say "no". If we take on too many responsibilities, we will not give the situation our full attention. We may do a poor job or we will not do it with a willing heart, become bitter, and develop an attitude. Therefore, for the sake of others, we need to learn to say "no" gracefully. People will respect you for your honesty and if you make it clear, there is a possibility of saying "yes" at another time that will be easier for them to accept.

In this society of working full-time, raising families and trying to volunteer, we just want to make a small difference in our little corner of the world. We are trying to be the best we can be. However, we must remember to consider our own lives and the lives of those around us. By being a "yes" person, we could be acting as a martyr and not saying "yes" for the right reasons. There are so only so many hours in a day.

As a parent saying "no" is so much harder that saying "yes". We want our children to be happy and give them everything we can. Saying "no" is often the hardest word ever to use as a parent, but also the most necessary. Growing up is harder today than it has ever been. Our kids are faced with so many difficult situations and they learn best from us. Teaching them to say "no" and showing them how, is our job as parents. To teach by example is the greatest way of all.

Most of us love helping others; we enjoy the personal satisfaction of being able to give of ourselves in many different capacities. Having the wisdom to say "no", if we are becoming overwhelmed is the most important issue. If we cannot give 100% of ourselves to the project because we have taken on too much, then we are not doing the service justice.

When possible and practical, say "yes" and give it all you have, but when necessary, "just say no" and do not allow any guilt to get in your way. This may take some time and practice but doing so will enable you to have control of your life. You will say "yes" for all the right reasons and be a happier, less stressed individual.

Learn more about this author, Peggy Lindgren.
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