by Michael Frissore

Created on: July 28, 2008   Last Updated: September 18, 2008

So you've finally got yourself a workout room. Good for you, Muscles. It's about time. Now, a lot of people think a piece of equipment or two is all that's needed to make a workout room a home. Nuh uh. You've got to decorate that baby like a dorm room or a cake. And when I say "decorate the room," I certainly do not mean "with the heads of the women you're hoping to get with when you're all jacked up." Hell, no. Everything in that room should motivate you.

Yes, I know pretty girl heads will motivate you, but that's sick and just wrong. You can't do that. People go to prison for that.

Okay. If you need females to be your motivation, posters will do the trick. You need two types of posters: several of the kind of women you're going to get later, and several of your icons of the workout.

You can probably still go to most stores and buy posters of models like Cheryl Tiegs or Twiggy to properly motivate you to spend a good five hours a day working out. You can even get a copy of any magazine, like Tiger Beat or The Saturday Evening Post, and buy something with Heather Thomas' or Kathy Ireland's picture on it. You can try and get a Rita Hayworth shrine. That worked in Shawshank.

And now you're good to go. But not yet. Because you'll also need giant spreads of your buff icons. These are the men who you are aspiring to be. My recommendations are Billy Blanks, Hulk Hogan, and Richard Simmons. If Tae Bo isn't in your regimen, you'll need a place to put a cross so you can "train, say your prayers, and eat your vitamins," like the Hulkster, and/or a spot for a television and VCR so you can "sweat to the oldies," like "Great Balls of Fire" and "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To." If none of these guys can't motivate you, I don't know who can. Perhaps Lou Ferrigno. What you do not want is a Chris Benoit poster or any type of equipment that would allow you, or someone else, to hang themselves in your workout room.

The other thing you'll really need are giant vats of anything to help you along. Whether you call these steroids, "vitamins," or "dietary supplements" is entirely up to you. They're there to help you, so don't speak harshly to them or berate them in any way. These are your friends. If you're going to take your roid rage out on anything, get a punching bag or one of those Weebles that wobble but don't fall down. Those things can take a punch.

Learn more about this author, Michael Frissore.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.