by Lynette Alice

Created on: July 28, 2008   Last Updated: May 11, 2010

Being a stay at home mom, tireless slacker, and compulsive procrastinator I have learned some very important things in life. Anything that isn't supposed to go in baby's mouth somehow will even if you glue it to the ceiling, what should be done today but can wait until tomorrow usually will, and without coffee the world is an ugly place that would cease to exist as we know it. I read it on the side of a can of Maxwell House so it must be true!

Now you may buy into my first two observations just a little bit at least, but you are likely to think I am a complete nut for the power I see in coffee. Okay, I am a nut, certified twice and rated beyond repair by not just single doctors but teams of doctors with books and busts of Freud in their office that have to cost at least fifty bucks so you know these are super smart people. I really am being as serious as my heavily medicated brain allows though when I say it is coffee that runs the world. Some folks think money or love makes the world go round but I say they are lunatics! Caffeine is the true puppet master.

Take me for instance, I wander out of bed around 5:30 A.M. after a solid three hours or so of sleep and begin my day. Of course I do the normal things like make sure there is a floor under my feet, say high to the dancing teddy bears in front of me and go to the bathroom. I don't make coffee as you would suspect, it is already being brewed by the previous nights preset clock. That's right, I take my java so seriously I have to have it ready before I even consciously realize I need it.

The first cup is a delicious treat, no sugar our cream for me thank you, my Kona blend is straight uncut high quality stuff with a street value of about a dollar fifty an ounce. As the first sip scalds it's way down my throat I momentarily turn into Homer Simpson lamenting "mmmmm....coffee." By the time I get that first cup down I become human again, I am overtaken by a surge of power! Forbidden caffeine!

So what does that have to do with the world you wonder? Well if you had a good cup of Joe right now you wouldn't be so antsy to hurry through this. Sheesh...Some people's kids. Anyway, as I was saying before you rudely invaded my mind with your psychic questions from light years away, or Toledo as it may be since I have no idea who you are other than the voice that lives behind my eyes and screams at my brain, coffee makes me human. Human might be a stretch admittedly but it makes me function. It makes me get out of bed, get

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