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prepared to have a home more akin to fort Knox, all money, cards, phones, keys, chemicals, alcohol and pharmaceuticals and more under lock and key?

More unusual behaviour, the sexual abuse of other children and not just by teenage boys, but by children of both sexes, some as young as seven. Overt sexualised behaviour towards family members and guests in your home, the torturing and killing of pets, self-harm, smashing up your house, fire setting, flooding and attacking family members. I can assure you that at some point you will be dealing with some or all of the above. Are you prepared for this?

Can you balance your family life, meeting your needs first as primary caregiver, to keep an equalibrium, caring equally for your own children and any others living with you? If not you'll soon be facing family breakdown and have some very resentful children of your own.

As for your own lives, forget normal. Be prepared to give up normal activities, some children cannot, will not, behave appropriately in social situations. Forcing them to comply runs the risk of serious rejection by others, appalled at their behaviour. As one person put it, "How can you look after, that ungrateful brat?" Are you able to be flexiable, accepting your lives will be limited by the child's needs. Can you cope with the criticism of others about the child and their behaviour, the complaints from neighbours?

Can you be pushed to the limit and beyond without responding inappropriately? Is it easy to push your buttons, trigger a negative response. If so, you need to think seriously about fostering. Each of us has our limits, are yours sacred? Can you control yourself, when pushed over the edge, for as sure as you breath, they'll try it.

Are you able to protect your own children, grandchildren or other children visiting your home, for they will be your Achilles heel. If there is any doubt whatsoever, don't even contemplate fostering. This equally applies to pets. These children are adept at chaos and destruction, its all they've ever known. Patterns of abuse and disruption are familiar and comfortable, they'll attempt to reapeat them, time and time again.

Can you think outside the box? Come up with solutions that may appear biazzre to others, but meet the child's needs? Well done, because you'll need to. Are you prepared to settle for very small steps towards change? Limit your demands on the child to one or two things, when you may have dozens of things, you want the child to address and change.

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