by Effie Moore Salem

Created on: July 28, 2008   Last Updated: April 06, 2009

Dual master bedrooms are an idea whose has come. Who among married folk at any age believe deny that sometimes too much togertherness is a bad thing? This is a critical topic and although some traditionalists will deny it, this could even prevent divorces! It is a well known fact that not every couple that sleeps together stays together. Some time down the road, and often sooner than later, the snoring and the aggravation of too much togetherness and lack of an individual space gets to overworked and under nurtured married couples.

They divorce. How many times have we heard one or the other of a fifty or sixty year marriage explain it in a similar fashion to these words: We stayed together because we each had our own thing to do; we stayed together because he was usually never home; we stayed together because we had no other place to go. These remarks do not mean the two do not love and honor each other; they were made because each had a certain amount of freedom to be themselves.

Marriage is a sacred proposition and is not to be dealt with lightly. Whatever can keep the two together and out of mischief or out chasing something a spare bedroom would cure is okay in my book. A place of one's own is what every soul needs. In this space there is time to think through hurts and misunderstanding and a place that one can call their own. They can decorate this in any fashion they care to decorate it, and whenever one wants to pout, they can have a place to go to where they can do it privately.

My kind of dual bedrooms for the old married folk - of any age if they can afford the space - is to have rules. It is sad but true that too many marriages end because of a control problem. The husband controls everything or the wife controls everything and the other has no recourse but to leave if they ever hope for anything amounting to a thought or two of their own.

Rule number one is don't invade my space unless I ask you. This is critical. Each cleans and takes care of their own space; it would not be fair to either to invade the domain of the other - and that means dirty socks everywhere and dust galore - without first being invited.

Rule number two is agreeing to a workable plan. Don't use the privilege to dodge duties or to shut one's self off from the responsibility of caring for the needs of the other. Each makes their own set of rules and they get together and make comprises.

Rule number three is to make the decision of how the two will take charge of their lives together without interference from relatives or friends. Where are they in the middle of the night when your partner insists on reading while you want to sleep? Where are they when your wife is up all night with the baby and you have an eight o'clock appointment the next morning?

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