by Eva Prabhakar

Created on: July 27, 2008

"My best friend makes me cry!" Sometimes we hurt people so inadvertently that the repercussions don't register until they are firmly entrenched in the mind of the person hurt. And, by then something starts to be amiss in a formerly seamless (as flawless as is perceptible) relationship. It is usually easy to sympathize with this person, but it is important to consider the feelings of the friend who supposedly hurt this person as well. Why? Because not doing so makes it okay to stifle a friendship. When it is universally accepted that no one is perfect, how can relationships that develop fundamentally due to the presence of people be expected to be perfect?

Relationships require mutual trust, understanding, and respect. We expect these qualities to be present in our friends, and can easily point out when a friend fails to acknowledge any of these even in passing. It is harder to introspect. It is even more hard to introspect regularly (if not constantly) when we ourselves fail to be trusting, understanding, or respectful towards our friends. But, considering that realization dawns on you, and you seek to make amends, what do you do next?

First, you apologize to your friend. Second, you validate his or her feelings. Third, you both reach a consensus on what buttons not to push in order to be a considerate friend. Finally, you resolve to keep this very important exchange in mind lest you find yourself in the same situation again.

However, what do you do when what you do henceforth is perceived to be simply "not enough"? Instead of exclaiming that your best friend makes you cry, and feeling bad about yourself as a person, why not take some time out and think about the value of this friendship in your life? Think about things as they "really" stand. Is this person really hurt because of your behavior? Then, you must revert to a similar conversation as before again, and really work through the issue.

But, what if you have done everything you both discussed is important to your friendship so that you don't take each other for granted? Now, what do you do? Think about your friends, including this person. Are things heading south with all your friends or just this one in particular? Assuming that only this friendship is a cause for concern, I present to you the whiner' or attention seeker'. This friend is a cause for concern not your friendship.

If your "best friend" makes you cry, what does it say about your friendship? Nothing. This person either needs to complain or needs

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