by Rhonda Best-Melvin

Created on: July 26, 2008

I wonder if you could know how it is to be told that the only time I want to here from you is to here about you on the news. As a child I happen to be the out of the norm type of child, let my mother tell it my mother kept me for so long under her wing as she called it, until she couldn't anymore. I can remember the story book mother until my step-dad left that is when it all came tumbling down hill.

My dad was my everything so when he left, apart of me left. I became the silent child, I felt like as long as no one asked me anything I didn't have to share what I was feeling inside. I can remember as a child saying to myself what did I do? What can I do to bring him back, meaning my father? What was so special about her that he left us? My mother so caught up in her own world didn't even stop to see that I had stop living in mine. I am the middle child of three sibling's, my oldest sister got everything seemed to me and my little sister got her way because she was the baby, and me I got what was left.

I have carried this way of life onto my adult hood and some times it hinders me because I am so bent on trying to find someone to protect me when my mother stopped along time ago. A lot of my relationships failed before I got married due to that reason. I felt that one day they would eventually leave. My husband has not a clue of the hurt that I carry in my heart, sometimes we argue to get our real feelings out about one another. I don't like to argue around my children, yes I have four beautiful ones and I love them dearly, not making and excuses why my love is so strong maybe due to my child hood.

As the saying goes I now carry a big stick! Mentally I use to feel sorry for myself and let people pray on me, not anymore. I read people for the good in them and I can see a person who is out for themselves a mile away. Hurt come in all shapes and sizes I don't discriminate on who I help due to the word help costs no one anything. I teach my children to treat people as you want to be treated, look for nothing in return and to walk away when you feel that someone is being cruel.

I can not say that I have the perfect family; however I can say that my family is perfect in my eyes. My boys concern me at times, when my daughter just seem to adjust maybe that is how we are built as women. I believe I have found a passion, writing it seems to calm me, huge me when no one else can, and to comfort me when I don't want anyone to touch me. Hope this will enlighten someone's heart.

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