by Carrie-Ann Campbell

Created on: July 26, 2008

In the words of the Savage Garden song, is trust more important than monogamy?
I think this is the wrong question.
I think the question is in fact "What use is trust without monogamy?"
An affair has got to be the most damaging thing possible to a relationship. In the situtation where your partner has had an affair, does it really matter whether or not you trusted him? He still cheated on you.

You can steadfastly trust your partner until kingdom come. You can refuse to believe rumours, ignore that he or she is never there, ignore tell-tale signs that they have cheated, but when you find out, it will still be devastating.
As far as I am concerned, it is black or white. If your partner loved you, he would not do ANYTHING to hurt you. And an affair has to be one of the most painful things in existence to undergo. And your partner would know that.
Number two: if he is willing to risk your relationship for sex, doesn't that imply that the relationship means very little to him?
When my boyfriend cheated on me, I was beyond gutted. He broke my heart completely, he humiliated me and made me look like a fool in front of all our friends, who often covered for his whereabouts.
Sure enough, he wept, told me we all make mistakes, he loved me and not her, that it meant nothing to him... at which point I retorted that if it meant nothing to him, why did he risk our relationship for it?
He did not answer.
To cut a long story short, I closed the door on him. I do not regret it.
If your partner has sex with someone else behind your bck, it clearly shows a lack of respect for you. And in some ways, I think that is worse than the affair itself.
They can be as sorry as they like afterwards, but it doesn't matter; they've still done it.
I will be honest; while in relationships, I have been seriously attracted to other men, of course I have. I'm human. But I have never ever done anything about it.
As for wedding vows, sticking with someone no matter what... well. I hate to say it, but religious as I myself am, those wedding vows have made fools out of many a man or woman.
Sure the adulterous woman was forgiven by Jesus... was she forgiven by her husband?
The Ten Commandments state: No adultery.
Sorry, but the Bible provides no defence for adulterers, which curiously enough, is the source most cheaters use as a means of justifying what they've done.
If the partner was insecure enough to have an affair, then he or she must be insecure about the entire relationship. Otherwise they wouldn't do it.
If you can forgive your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend for having an affair, more power to ya.
But to me, the idea that he has had sex with someone behind my back, been intimate, giggly, slept with another woman, that another woman has touched him in places that only I should, that he lies and sneaks away, all in the name of meaningless sex...
Trust is important. But so is monogamy.
Well, I say carry on. Have your meaningless sex.
Bye bye.

Learn more about this author, Carrie-Ann Campbell.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.