by Esther Andrews

Created on: July 26, 2008   Last Updated: March 26, 2010

The greatest difficulty in bearing and raising a child with learning disabilities is that he looks like every other "normal" child. As a result, everyone expects him to act "normal." They constantly demand that he "grow up" and "behave." His unique gifts and talents are not celebrated. From a very young age he is criticized, chastised, and told to act just like the other children. But he can't. He doesn't know how. He's just not wired that way.

Children can be cruel to a "normal" child, but they are vicious when it comes to a unique child. They will point out everything he does that they perceive wrong and will find innumerous reasons to tease, laugh or ostracize him.

As a parent, you need to build a thick skin, maybe even a shield of armor for both you and your child.

Once you've pinpointed the nature of your child's disability, often one of the toughest steps especially with very young children, you can start to educate everyone who interacts with him on a regular basis. You should sit down with school and day care instructors and administrators and teach them how to work with your child. They may have book knowledge on working with special needs children, but always remember that you are the expert in your child, his needs, and his limitations. You will need to repeat this process at every school your child goes to. Don't assume the knowledge is passed on or fully absorbed by the next school. Build relationships with his school. You'll find that once a school puts a face and a personality to a parent, they often are willing to go the extra mile for your child.

You need to let go of your disappointment that your child isn't perfect in the preconceived notion of what is perfect in a human being. Your job is to help him achieve his dreams, whatever they may be. If a school is pushing and expecting your child to do something that you don't see as crucial to his success as an adult and is creating extreme emotional duress for your child, put your foot down with the school.

An example from our personal scenario, I demanded that my son no longer be required to memorize long lists of facts such as memorizing and regurgitating - only in alphabetical order - the names of all of the U.S. states. My son knows the names of all the U.S. states, can pinpoint most of them on a map, and knows how to alphabetize. This assignment, which reduced him to tears, was completely unnecessary, and I suspect the result of a first-year teacher who had no experience with special needs students.

At the end of the day, you brought your gifted, talented, unique and beautiful child into this world and you need to take personal responsibility to guide his learning, growth, and development into a productive adult. You will probably spend more time and expend more energy assisting your child than you would with a "normal" child, but the rewards are worth every second.

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