by Linda Burleson

Created on: July 26, 2008   Last Updated: February 23, 2009

Half or more of all marriages in America end in divorce. Psychologists suggest living with a person before marrying to see if you are compatable. Ministers recommend abstinence from intimacy before marriage.There are books on the market and many "Dr. Phils" out there with advice on how to have a good marriage, though most of them have experienced divorce personally. Most all advice givers seem to feel that long engagements help "sticktoitaveness". Who's right? Maybe some, maybe all, but in truth, it involves how both parties look at marriage going upon entering into nuptials.

A psychologist/marriage therapist on television recently stated that engagements should last at least two years because people change, and one needs to observe changes to see if he/she can live with them. Perhaps this is an answer for some, if they are really analytical, but living together isn't that far removed from marriage except for certain legal issues. The breakup could still be as emotionally devastating, though maybe less costly legally and financially.

My dad was a wise man. He and my mother married in 1926 when they were both seventeen years old. Life was often tough during their union. Neither came from affluent families, and both understood the adage of "anything of value has a cost". Their marriage survived leaving their families to find work, the Great Depression, and eventually the birth of a surprise child (me) when they were 37. They already had a twelve year old boy and a nine year old girl. Their secret was simple - commitment. They were a living example of commitment.

Granted, it was a different time and age. My dad worked very hard as the owner of a small business, and Mom was a housewife - a stay at home mom. Nevertheless, theirs was a parnership. Perhaps they were ahead of their time. Dad kept Mom informed as to insurance, business ins and outs, and any other financial aspects of daily life. Dad often helped with housework and preparing meals. Everything was "a family affair". This, too was a good example to me.

Advice that they gave us as we reached dating age was that anyone we dated was a potential mate. They made us aware that chemistry was not enough to make for a solid relationship. Another valuable piece of advice was that marriage being 50%/50% was a fallacy - it is 100%/100%, requiring a desire to commit one's entire self to the relationship. Advice is always easier to take if it includes example, and they lived the example.

The medium of television during the

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>