by Ann Druce

Created on: July 26, 2008   Last Updated: July 27, 2008

I hate camping! I need a hair-dryer just to survive. But still I've heard myself claiming to love camping. And not just once.

You know how it happens you meet a guy, he is gorgeous. And despite the four hundred Camping and Outdoor magazines in his bathroom, you didn't realise that he has delusions of being the Camel man. (Later, of course, reading in the toilet is a major character flaw, but right now you're just happy it's not a collection of porn.)

So next thing you know, you're going camping, and sharing your soap dish with a collection of bugs. Just follow the rules and you'll be fine.

Rule No.1
He who has the most toys wins. It's much easier to enjoy yourself if you have all the equipment.

Rule No.2
Sadly, rule no 2 states categorically that you don't buy all the toys until you start camping on a regular basis. Particularly if you are trying to impress a guy. You just look like a fake.

Rule No 3
Don't worry about the tent. It was his idea to go camping, so this is his problem. And if he doesn't own one, he'll borrow it. It's amazing how many people are delighted to lend you their tent!

Rule No 4
The bed is a different matter. He may think it's fine to sleep on the ground, but the truth is, it's not! Come straight out and ask him if he has a mattress. If not, think seriously about buying an inflatable. And don't forget a pump. At worst, buy one of those cheap roll-up mattresses.

Funny, but not too many people can lend you a mattress. Maybe that's why they so keen to lend you their tent - probably hoping they'll never see it again! Buying your own mattress might seem extravagant, but if you are going to be up all night; you don't want it to be because you're doing your princess and the pea act.

Rule No 5
You don't need a sleeping bag. And anyway, who came up with the idea of bedding that never gets washed? Bring your duvet. Funny how, even in summer, camp sites can be chilly.

Rule No 6
This is no time for sexy pyjamas. Wear the T-shirt and cotton shorts kind. You will walk around in your PJs, and unless you want to flaunt your boobs to the entire campsite as you waltz off to the loo, make them decent. And don't bother with a gown; you'll either look like a frump or a tart.

Rule No 7
Keep off the floor. Many a strange, damp unmentionable lurks on the bathroom floor. You're sharing with complete strangers who might have a whole different perspective on bathroom etiquette. (Not to mention the host of creepy crawlies.) And you don't see anyone volunteering to clean the floor.

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