I had always heard that being sensual was the way to attract someone. I had been married for 18 years and never really felt very sensual, but this was due a husband who did not know how to make me feel sensual. In turn, I felt my body could never be sexy or desired by anyone. So, when a younger man fell in love with me, I asked him what attracted him the most. I knew it could not be my body because after six c-sections, it was hardly considered a sensual one.
Falling in love as a girl lead to holding hands and making sure my hair was perfect for my date. I never worried about being sensual even though I am sure I could have used my body in a very sensual way if I was not raised to believe that even French kissing lead to sex. So when I posed this question to my younger man, a man who was not only hot to look at, but so sexy I had never imagined he would fall in love with my overweight, aged body. I, myself, was overweight so much, that I pictured myself in one of those commercials about stapling your stomach or weight watchers, but this man answered me as if I was a swim model.
He said, as we lay in each other's arms, "You are so sexy," He then made love to me in a way I never even knew existed. I learned a lot about being sensual from a man who was a 21 year old virgin. Sure, he had read a lot of books, but this was the real thing. He helped me up from the bed and turned on what later became our song. He pulled me to him, his tall perfect body against my overweight, short frame and began slow dancing. I soon felt more sensual and began kissing his perfect stomach and pulled him closer to my height to kiss his chest and neck. I was dressed in a soft, white, lacy nightgown. He held me at a distance and told me that I looked like an angel. This only made me feel more sexy and beautiful.
With my ex-husband, everything had been so matter-of-fact and routine that I just knew where it would end up. As usual, I would watch as he rolled over and went to sleep, smiling and satisfied. I would be left there wondering what had just happened. Not with my new love, the man I soon married after only a short courtship. This man showed me what sensuality really was. It was not just two perfect bodies eligible to be seen on some of those nasty x-rated films which I have only heard about, but it was two people who truly loved each other and cared about what the other was feeling. For us, it would start out with him coming home from a long day and pulling me into the shower with him. Usually, I would be embarrassed by my body, but he would always begin kissing me and holding me as if my body burned into his flesh causing desire. I loved running my hands over his tanned, sexy chest and even his back. Every part of him brought goosebumps on my whole body.
From the moment he touched me, I would want to ravish him with kisses and there were no boundaries with either one of us. Everything we did became making love, not just two people pouncing on each other and calling it sex. Sex could never replace our sensual advances into making love. Whether he was asleep or awake, he was sexy and ready to please me as I was yearning to please him. It was not just the matter of sex. It was the longing to touch each other and feel each other within ourselves and each other. Each moment was cherished as if it were our first encounter. I would creep up on him under the covers in his sleep, waking him with every sensual touch I could arouse. I became more sensual as our relationship grew. He would hate to leave me to go to work and he would come home on every break he could muster up. Sometimes, he would not make it to work, but would roll back over towards me, pulling me in his strong arms and making love in every way that was appealing to both of us.
My size never hindered our sensuality. Him being 6'4 and me being 5'2 never stopped our bodies from perfectly forming together. I never had to ask him if I was sensual or sexy. He made sure I knew that to him, I was the most beautiful, sexy woman that ever lived. No man had ever made me see my own sensuality like this perfect-bodied man. Some people might think that I sound shallow, but that is not true. I was just in love so much that his body was a part of me. His perfections covered my imperfections in such a way that it even made me forget I was overweight. In fact, he filled up my world so much that I began to lose weight. He made sure that he encouraged me by picking me up in the shower even quicker, showing me that I was lighter. He never asked me to lose weight, but he made every pound I did lose important to both of us. This importance was not because it made me sexier, but because it made me feel sexier for him.
Sensuality is a word that a lot of people fail to use. In fact, as a Christian, I always related it as a word used to describe what only sinful lovers did in the heat of passion. I was a believer that sex should follow marriage and still am, but I had strayed from my beliefs at the time because my Christian family had deserted me during my divorce and labeled me something that I was not. When I met my Soul Mate, I let all of my convictions about sex go and regretted it only because I had broken a law of God. My Soul Mate felt the same way. He wished we would have waited for marriage, but we both found it very hard to regret anything. We knew we needed God's forgiveness and that was the easy part with our forgiving Lord. The hard part was forgiving ourselves. We only regretted living together because of our kids. We did not want to influence them to have sex before marriage. We did get married and lived a very fulfilled, happy marriage up until his premature death less than a year ago. A brain tumor took him from my life, but his heart and mine are still one.
My Soul Mate taught me what sensuality is in a way that I never deemed possible. He taught me through true love and romance. We both taught each other in a newness that never left our beings. We made love only minutes before he passed away. He told me that what we had shared was the second most awesome thing in his life, second only to accepting the Lord as his Savior. I felt the same way and still do. It is difficult to even imagine this life without him even now. I find myself reaching next to me to feel his perfect body against me. But, then, if he was here, I would not have to reach; he would already be in my arms making me feel sensual and beautiful as he always did.