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you. You will feel so alone and silenced in your loss. No one, except someone who has miscarried too, can know what you are going through. Seek them out through a support group, or internet chat group. If you attend church chances are your pastor will know of other members you can reach out to who have been through the same thing. It helps to talk to people who have felt the depth of this kind of loss. As well meaning as friends and family may be, they will undoubtedly say things that will hurt you deeply, and are usually meant with the best of intentions. Even when I asked the doctor why he thought this happened he told me it was just natures way. I thought nature's way was that you get pregnant and nine months later you are a mommy. Silly me. Many people simply said I was too young, some said it was for the best being the daddy wasn't around and all, others said something must have been wrong with it'. People seemed so heartless, so cruel. At least they acknowledged the baby had existed though. Most people didn't say anything at all about it. For the most part everyone just acted like it never happened, pretended like I was never pregnant at all. In fact, everything I had for the baby was gone before I even got home from the hospital. As if I could ever forget. All done with the best intentions, but it left me feeling like I had no closure, no goodbye.

I never thought it would happen to me, until it did. The first time it happened I had all the warning signs but my doctor didn't think it was anything serious, and was very dismissive with me. I didn't want to be difficult and was not insistent enough that she do another ultrasound. In retrospect, I regret not fighting harder for my baby. I knew something was wrong, but no one would listen! My lack of insurance should not have determined my unborn Childs fate. But I am afraid that it did. Maybe I could have been more insistent, more demanding. Maybe nothing I did would have changed anything at all. But I wish I would have listened to that voice that told me something was just not right, before the physical symptoms even started. Maybe I would not have so many regrets, would not have suffered so many traumas, and would not feel so much sadness and loss for my babies in heaven.

If you suffer from a miscarriage you will have questions that can never be answered. And a hole in your heart that can never be filled. I will never forget my angels in heaven. But I am lucky to be blessed with two wonderful children now. I hope you have faith that you will get through the dark times and be blessed too in your own time. When you DO become a mother though, God won't give you an instruction manual. He will give you something better. Mother's intuition.

Learn more about this author, Chris Dixon.
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