How does the happiest time of your life suddenly become the most traumatic? One word. Miscarriage.
Unfortunately, almost one in five pregnancies will end in miscarriage. This is a sobering statistic, but it does not mean that you will have one, even if this happens to be your fifth pregnancy. According to statistics miscarriages are also most likely to occur in the first trimester, or before the thirteenth week of pregnancy. However, even if you are bleeding this does not mean that you are having a miscarriage. I experienced bleeding in the first trimester of all my pregnancies, including the ones I carried full term.
The signs of a miscarriage can be very confusing as some of them can actually mimic the signs of pregnancy. Please do not self diagnose. Call your doctor right away if you are experiencing any signs of a possible miscarriage.
Signs of a Possible Miscarriage Include
Pelvic Cramping or Abdominal Pain
Brownish or Red Vaginal Discharge and/or Bleeding
Blood Clots or any colored Tissue being passed vaginally
Lower Back Pain
A decrease in pregnancy symptoms
The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby if you think you might be having a miscarriage is to remain as calm as possible. Please try not to panic and raise your blood pressure. If you are currently experiencing any bleeding immediately lie down or sit with your legs elevated while trying your best to calmly assess the situation. If you are experiencing vaginal bleeding or any other of the other signs of miscarriage, especially bleeding with abdominal pain please call your obstetrician or other healthcare provider for professional medical advice, or seek immediate emergency medical care. I am not a medical professional and am only giving advice which is based on my own personal experience.
The best advice I feel I can give you is to tell you to trust yourself and your instincts. Listen to the little voice inside you. Regardless of your symptoms, if deep down inside you really feel that something is wrong, then share your concerns with your O.B. right away. Some people might tell you that you are over re-acting. Don't let them talk you out of your own feelings, or compare your situation to theirs. Every pregnancy is different, and you know your body better than anyone else. If you feel it is necessary, then you must insist that you be checked out. You would rather be safe, than sorry.
If the worst becomes reality and you suffer one of what I called my silent losses, then my heart truly goes out to you. You will feel so alone and silenced in your loss. No one, except someone who has miscarried too, can know what you are going through. Seek them out through a support group, or Internet chat group. If you attend church chances are your pastor will know of other members you can reach out to who have been through the same thing. It helps to talk to people who have felt the depth of this kind of loss. As well meaning as friends and family may be, they will undoubtedly say things that will hurt you deeply, and are usually meant with the best of intentions. Even when I asked the doctor why he thought this happened he told me it was just natures way. I thought nature's way was that you get pregnant and nine months later you are a mommy. Silly me. Many people simply said I was too young, some said it was for the best being the daddy wasn't around and all, others said something must have been wrong with it'. People seemed so heartless, so cruel. At least they acknowledged the baby had existed though. Most people didn't say anything at all about it. For the most part everyone just acted like it never happened, pretended like I was never pregnant at all. In fact, everything I had for the baby was gone before I even got home from the hospital. As if I could ever forget. All done with the best intentions, but it left me feeling like I had no closure, no goodbye.
I never thought it would happen to me, until it did. The first time it happened I had all the warning signs but my doctor didn't think it was anything serious, and was very dismissive with me. I didn't want to be difficult and was not insistent enough that she do another ultrasound. In retrospect, I regret not fighting harder for my baby. I knew something was wrong, but no one would listen! My lack of insurance should not have determined my unborn Childs fate. But I am afraid that it did. Maybe I could have been more insistent, more demanding. Maybe nothing I did would have changed anything at all. But I wish I would have listened to that voice that told me something was just not right, before the physical symptoms even started. Maybe I would not have so many regrets, would not have suffered so many traumas, and would not feel so much sadness and loss for my babies in heaven.
If you suffer from a miscarriage you will have questions that can never be answered. And a hole in your heart that can never be filled. I will never forget my angels in heaven. But I am lucky to be blessed with two wonderful children now. I hope you have faith that you will get through the dark times and be blessed too in your own time. When you DO become a mother though, God won't give you an instruction manual. He will give you something better. Mother's intuition.