by Jerry Hodge

Created on: July 24, 2008

Sitting here at my desk knowing I am going to die is a tough thing to live with. I cannot think of anything more terrifying. As it stands now, only my employer is privy to this information and that just recently. My left hand is partially numb and my right foot is the same. And the left side of my head is still partially numb, from a recent bout with the shingles virus.

However, ironically I am unafraid. I know there is a world all around us. A world that we cannot see; but it is as real as anything we can touch, see and smell. That world is full of wonderful, kind and honest people and I know they have been waiting for my arrival. A few of these wonderful saints have already made themselves known to me and I am very desirous to meet them all. No, my sense of fear has been replaced with resignation. I could not choose how I was born, but I can choose how I die.

Actually I do not know how I lasted this long. My background was as terrible as that of any prison inmate, although I have never been to jail. I grew up in a family that just plain abandoned discretion and common sense. No child should see and hear the things I had to live with. It is a terrible thing for a young child to be battling demonic forces; because ignorant people dropped thier garbage on that child's doorstep. Yes, that makes me very angry.

There is one life lesson that is crucial for families to learn and understand. Be Carefull what you do around young children! Yes, I am surprised I did not become a Ted Bundy or perhaps something even worse. I had all the right ingrediants to become just that. I think it was love for people and my love for God that kept me from becoming a monster. It has been a vicious, tough and exhausting battle. One that I am happy will end soon.

In 1985 I became a strong believer in God. The chance to start over is a very compelling prospect. That is what attracted me to Christianity. A new beginning. Perhaps this was my chance for a normal life. And God certainly rewarded me with graces that are beyond compehension. I travled to many countries helping people in remote areas. Helping them with money, food and teaching them about God's love. During a missionary tour in the Phillippines, I met a young lady. She was part of a bible group and she claimed to be a Christian. She had been involved in the occult and I was able to get her set free of terrible dark forces. At least that is what I thought. We became close friends.

A year later I asked her to marry me. Several months

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