by Margaret Crites

Created on: January 05, 2007   Last Updated: March 06, 2010

I found my biological mother about 10 years ago. The process was less difficult or scary than I expected.

To begin, I looked around on several adoption forums and read about what other people were doing. My adoption was a closed adoption, and I really only knew my birth place and a few details shared but unconfirmed. In a chat room, I found a man in the same state in which I was born and asked his advice on finding my parents.

I was surprised to discover that the laws concerning seeking people separated by adoption have really changed in many places. I thought I was going to have to lie or spend hours chasing down leads on the Internet. Instead, I learned that in my birth state (New Mexico) they have a very tidy system for reconnecting adoptees with birth parents.

One hires an attorney - the man in the chat room referred me to someone in NM who could give me names of attorneys. I spent about $300-400 in attorney fees. The attorney asked me to write a letter detailing what I knew about my adoption. Also, I was asked to send a letter addressed to my biological parents about myself and pictures from various times in my life. This was easy because my family had given me a copy of my adoption decree and other papers when I became an adult. Within a month, a petition to have my adoption records opened arrived in the mail for my signature.

The attorney presented the petition to a judge, and the judge signed off on my request. From there, my vital information was given to a state appointed Intermediary. The intermediary called me about 6 weeks after I signed the petition. She happened to be the person the guy in the chat room referred me to in the first place. She did not charge for her services. She also clearly had very good training and, I suspect, a counseling background. She was very good at sharing information without breaking confidentiality. She also was very understanding of my feelings and position.

In my case, my biological mother was in her 40s when I was born and was not in the country legally by the time I was born. The intermediary explained that if she returned to her home country, it would be virtually impossible to find her. Also, there was the issue of age. I was nearly 30 when I undertook the search. But, the intermediary was able to read to me some of the social worker's notes from my adoption records that had been sealed. I learned, then, that my mother had not intended to give me up, and that she made several tries to get me back.

Before the

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>