Regret is probably one of the biggest personal fears I have. I fear that this little word will show up in my life whenever I ignore a small dream I once pondered, or whenever I fear failure or financial instability and decide to choose a more simple path in life. I forget sometimes that society wants you to believe that without a set career and without being financially stable, that your life is going against status quo (aka: less than ideal). But for me, I fear regret more than I fear being a social outcast. I enjoy defying odds because the rewards you reap in the end are far better than following the norm (or what is deemed the normal social structure of everyday life). I am still quite young, so for me I'm not prepared to settle down and raise a family anytime soon. Because I am not ready to do this, and have accepted this, I realize at this point in time, there is no reason that I need to put my dreams on the back burner for a position that will be financially smart. I have no other people to provide for, so perhaps I have a lot more freedom than most. But I find that what society deems as a successful and happy life isn't exactly my idea of happiness.
I, as do most young children, dreamed big for my future; I wanted nothing more than to be an actor. The social boundaries in a child's life do not exist, and so I easily found myself living the part of a performer (approval or not). I would twirl in the aisles mimicing The Nutcracker dancers, dreaming that I would one day be a ballerina for a national dance company. I would sing my lungs out anywhere I could, in the car, on the street, in the house, in the grocery store. I enjoyed singing, and perhaps a part of me hoped to market my talent at the ripe age of 6 (Who knew what talent scout might be listening to me sing next to the frozen vegetable aisle). I dreamed of being Disney's next princess in an animated movie. I dreamed of performing on Broadway, next to the greats. I constantly danced and sang my way around the house, once with painted ballet slippers on my feet (I had used pastels to paint dance shoes on myself when I couldn't find my real pair- and yes, it was an absolute mess). This desire to be a performer was very evident, and my family tried to hone my skills. I took dance classes, piano lessons, gymnastics, voice lessons, and a variety of other private instrument lessons (most of which did not last long; I just wasn't as passionate about them). But once I got older everyone accepted that with time my passion for acting would be more of a hobby than a career. What are the odds of being an actor? Slim to none. So my family started to turn my interests toward something more practical, medicine. " You always show aptitude in science. I think I see a future doctor in our midsts!" my family would exclaim. I enjoyed science, and I did excel in the subject, but there was something about theatre that was invigorating, exciting, and different. Even if I wasn't always thrilled to go to my lessons I did enjoy the art of performing. I knew this wasn't a passing phase. Once college hit I went into the field of biological sciences. Perhaps this is where I began to follow societal standards. However, this didn't last very long, as I soon decided that following a path in life that might lead to financial stability and safety did not equate to true happiness or success. To me money never has been much of an object, I often exclaim that as long as I am doing what makes me happy, money is no object. And it still rings true today. While it would be nice to pursue a career that was both my passion and financially stable, for me happiness ultimately means more than monetary success. If you couldn't already figure out, my college courses in science did not satisfy this undying need to be an actor; in fact science had killed all my dreams, as I barely had time to sleep or finish daily assignments, let alone perform on the side. I found that the one passion I had in life was slowing melting away, and this future of mine would now hold a respectable, dependable, and esteemed role: doctor. Plus my family was proud, so why shouldn't I be? But I knew in my heart that this wasn't the life for me. I longed to be back on the stage, and after a couple discussions with an incredible acting teacher I knew my life would never be complete without the arts.
Once I decided that theatre would be my career, and the future of me in a white lab coat and stethoscope disappeared, the frustration and anger appeared in my family. After all that work, I would be throwing away everything for a career that wasn't stable. This was when I began to realize how important theatre had been in my life. I was now fighting everyone in my life who's approval mattered more to me than anything; and all for what, theatre? The chance to perform? It was well worth it in the end. It was a struggle, and often a losing battle, but in the end I did what I knew would be best for me. I have to live the life I create for myself, whether people approve of it or not. If being a doctor made my family happy but made me miserable, how would that be a life worth living and enjoying? Society tries to pretend that following your dreams is most important, when really there are so many restrictions as to what your dreams should be. If you want to be head of a fortune 500 company, wonderful! If you want to be a doctor or a lawyer-a position that is highly respectable, esteemed, and financially safe (and why shouldn't it be?)- even better! But a career as difficult to pursue (and succeed in, mind you) as acting is often pushed aside as nothing more than a pipe dream; A child's fantasy. But this child-like fantasy of mine grew to be my number one passion in life. No amount of struggling or disapproval was going to change this. I wanted to create a life for myself that I could look back on and appreciate. I never want to look back on my life with regret and remorse for not having accomplished the important things in my life, due to fear and societal pressures. I enjoy my life, because more than anything, it is mine. Everyone has now accepted my final decision for the future, even those who once disapproved. Even if some people do still disapprove they have learned to keep quiet, as no amount of reprimanding or ridicule will keep me from pursuing my dreams.
I think people fear the concept of following your dreams because it sounds like such a easy path. Follow your dreams sounds more passive than anything else. But it is important to realize that hard work and discipline is necessary to pursuing your dreams (your dreams won't be handed to you and your life story won't be written for you). Perhaps this is why society deemed dreams as nothing more than a short-lived fantasy, and real substance in life is dealt out in money, property, and status (replacing intangible concepts with tangible objects what society is known for). Following your dreams sounds rather cliche, but nonetheless, I think it's healthy, and personally satisfying, to pursue something that makes you happy. There are so many people in life just going through the motions of their day. They aren't satisfied with their lives, but yet change nothing. It may be they think they want money, the stability, or the comfort of that constant, familiar ebb and flow of the passing days; but this is just societies tentacles wrapping its ideas of success around you.
People tell children to follow their dreams because deep down they do want them to grow up satisfied with their lives. But it isn't until these children grow up that the harsh reality of what happiness is is deeply rooted in societal views and pressures, and not personal dreams and desires. But there are those few that push through social boundaries to find happiness. These are people I admire, for they are courageous individuals who know themselves better than most. If you know what makes you happy pursue it, but realize that even if they are your dreams, it will take hard work and dedication to make your life what you want it to be. I believe that whatever obstacles you overcome to get what you want will easily be forgotten when true happiness is what awaits you on the other end. Accomplishment, to me, is more important than money or status. My dreams are what keeps me idealistic and hopeful for a better future. It doesn't mean that I'm not realistic to an extent, or that I see life through rose-colored lens, but I realize that life is too short to live it unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Perhaps the child in me is still going strong, but whatever makes me get up on stage with my heart racing and the passion and dedication coursing through my veins is exactly what I want my life to be. And I believe that the six year old girl tap-dancing on the kitchen floor in painted ballet slippers would agree.