by Maria Ruggiero

Created on: July 22, 2008

I have learned many lessons over the past 44 years: Don't eat yellow snow, Sitting too close to the tv doesn't hurt my eyes, Your tongue really will stick to an ice pop and so many others I could write a book. (Wow, that's a great idea! ) The lesson that has eluded me until recently is, live in the moment.
To be honest there have been many moments in my life that I would have rather not lived in, around or anywhere near had I had my druthers. Of course, there have been significant moments I wish I had been living in when they were happening. The trouble is, when we disengage in life we miss the bad and the good, the happy and sad, the joyous and the bleakness equally.

As I reflect back I would have preferred to skip my lonely childhood, my brother's death, my parents incessant fighting matches, my abortion, my first marriage and the time I became so depressed I was put in the "hospital" against my will. And although we prefer to bypass these kinds of moments, we relive them over and over in our thoughts. Not only do we relive them we paralyze ourselves in the present and in the future. Without breaking the cycle of depression, which robs us of ever being able to live in the moment, we will only exist and that is even guaranteed.
I tried therapy first. For four years I poured out my heart, cried endless tears and for a time thought I was "fixed." When it was obvious to me that depression was knocking on my door again, I read self help books by the dozen. The problem there is that they may tell you to live in the moment but they don't tell you how to put away the past.
The good news is that after 44 years I found the secret. The answer to the riddle is God. Only with him in my life was I able to reconcile my past, and know that my future was just that, the future. I could miss everything that is beautiful in my life now by reliving my past. I could watch my life pass me by now by waiting to get it right in the future or I could live in the moment and enjoy the blessings I have right now in this very moment.
The blessings are many including my relationship with God, a wonderful husband of 20years, and three healthy, beautiful children who are my inspiration daily. You would expect that though right? I mean those are the good things in life to most people. The other blessings in my life I know will raise some eyebrows.
I am blessed to feel sadness, anxiety, loneliness and despair. I know I can give these to God and he will take my burdens gladly. It is in feeling these that I am able to feel gladness, calmness, friendship and hope. It is far better living in every moment, good or bad, than disengaging from every moment of my life.
This is the hardest lesson I have learned. I now live in the moment, reflect on the past and set goals for the future. Yesterday I can only think about and tomorrow is no more than a dream to come. Today and this moment are all we can live in if we really want to live. I hope I can pass this one lesson on to my children-to me it is possibly the most important of all!

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