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and the various chores of housework)? Will he commit in writing always to put down both seat and lid before he flushes? Will she commit in writing to take only half of the closet and drawer space? Will both of them promise never to drink out of the carton? Will they take turns being the one who pays when eating out, at the movies, or whatever?

In a good marriage, the partners have no trouble communicating with each other — from how their day went to their secret fears for the future. Can each prospective partner agree to listen more than he or she talks? Can they agree to respect and value each other's opinion? Can they agree that when disagreements arise, they'll fight fairly and "never let the sun go down on their anger"?

Do both prospective partners want children? If one does and the other doesn't, it's better to find this out now. What happens if the partners agree on "no children" and there's an accident? What if they DO have children, and then the marriage breaks up? Are they mature enough to care more about their children's emotional health than their own?

And speaking of maturity, what about families and friends? Is one prospective partner a Mama's Boy or Daddy's Girl? Given that the two are contemplating creating a new family, are they TOO involved in their current family's life? Or are they not involved ENOUGH in their current family's life? If he's marrying both her AND Mommie Dearest, or if she's marrying both him AND Tony Soprano, it's far better to find out before it's too late to avoid divorce.

Does she like his friends, and does he like hers? It's a major red flag if the person you're thinking about marrying has no friends. A person with no friendship skills is going to enter his or her closest friendship EVER with a serious handicap. It's also a major red flag if he hates her friends, or she thinks his friends are a bad influence.

These are just a few of the issues that the best kind of prenuptial agreement ought to explore — not what will happen if the marriage fails, but what will happen to make the marriage succeed.

That's the only kind of prenup that ought to be "compulsory." And I say "compulsory" in quotation marks because I do NOT mean we should have all sorts of new taxes to pay for a new department of Sticking the Government's Nose Where It Has No Business!

Learn more about this author, Mary W. Matthews.
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