by Lynette Colon

Created on: July 22, 2008

Love is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But what happens when that love betrays you? Sometimes the pain hurts so much it becomes overwhelming, making it hard to breathe,eat or sleep. I have loved the same man for almost twenty years and I feel taken for granted; the old faithful. "She's not going anywhere; it will always be her and I" is a phrase I have heard him utter time and again. The sad thing is I used to think that it must mean we were meant to be together; that no matter what pain and turmoil we were going thru, we would get past it. But as I start to think, I realize-I'm the one who has always held it together; always old faithful. While my husband was conducting his affair, I was there-holding down the fort, paying the bills, taking care of our daughter, and loving him despite the pain. When we got back together and started to work things out, we found out that the ex-mistress was pregnant. Again, I was there; old faithful. Loving him despite the pain that cut so deep at times I was bleeding on the inside! But I felt that as long as we dealt with it together, there was nothing that could stop us. The lines of honesty were open; or so I thought. Now I find out communication between he and the mistress have begun again. He says, its for the baby's sake and nothing untoward is going on. Believe him? Me neither! The disrespect given to me and all of our years together-the life we built-is so blatant that it takes all I have not to scream. Why couldn't he see what a gift our love was and give it the care and respect it most certainly demands? Loving someone shouldn't be a source of constant pain; it should be more joy than sorrow. So now life has to begin all over for me and all that love I have reserved for him has to be given to another-Me! But where to start? How do you stop doing something that has become second nature; like taking a breath? All of my life the one constant was he and I; where do I start the rebuilding process? How do I say goodbye to a whole life? Its sometimes more than I can bear. He was everything I wanted and wished for. Guess its true that we should be careful for what we wish for; we can actually get it. Though I will never regret a single moment of our life together, I pray now for the strength to leave with the pieces of my shattered heart and dignity. I want my self-repsect back. I want to be the kind of woman my daughter can aspire to; not one to be ashamed of.

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