by Michael J Casey

Created on: July 22, 2008   Last Updated: October 10, 2010

I was born of an Irish single mother in 1958. The lady had travelled over from Eire in 1958 three weeks prior to my birth. She was 35, single and catholic. It was not the 'done thing' in 1958 to be a single pregnant catholic woman.
My father was unnamed on the birth certificate.

My mother stayed in England for a full year after my birth to keep me and look after me. One year after my birth, she walked into a Catholic Children Rescue Home and gave me up to the nuns who were there.

From that time I was 'adopted' and 'fostered' to various families who all decided to return me (I have a bad track record with women, obviously!) until was eventually adopted by a couple in the local area to where I was.

I thank my adoptive parents for telling me as soon as possible I was adopted, as indeed was my brother. We were brought up in a loving environment and accepted our lifestyle as the 'norm'.

There was something in me that always questioned my existence and my background and made suggestions to my parents of contacting my original mother or family etc.

I always worried that I would cause upset and offense if I did this and never pursued the options whilst living with my parents.

It still nags away at you. You have to 'be there' to understand. I loved my parents to bits but still the need to 'see my mum' and maybe find out who my dad was was overwhelming.

At many stages I considered it a wasted cause so why bother - let sleeping dogs lie.

It never goes away - ever.

I continued to make the search knowing that my mother, if ever found, would be well into her 70's. It is difficult and many people urged me not to bother and let life go on. They were all my friends and good people - but not adopted.
Throughout the years I have tried various avenues and have found more people try to deter me than inspire me - the worst being local authorities.
I have found where I was baptised an where my mother first stayed with me after my birth.

That alone was traumatic for me. How would meeting my mother ever be?
I unfortunately have no contact with either my 'adoptive' mother or brother for various reasons and wish that were different.

I have a brilliant son (I would say that) and a gorgeous grandson. I wonder how on earth a mother could give up a child under any circumstances.
I pray for the strength my mother had to let me go - maybe give me a better life.
I say thanks for the life she helped give me and hope that I wasn't a failure to her or my adoptive mum and dad.

I think it is easier to let life go on. Maybe I shall meet my past in the fullness of time - and only time will tell.

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