by Mary Guimont

Created on: July 22, 2008   Last Updated: April 04, 2011

Living in fear.

Domestic violence is passed on to one generation to another from learned behavior that comes from watching it as a child and the fear that comes with seeing it as one.

An abusive woman apologies to her husband as he spills his drink on the dinner table, not because she feels blame but because she feels fear. Experience has shown her in the past. His own drunken clumsiness will make him angry at her. Years of his abuse naturally make her react this way. This is because she lives in fear of abusive violence.

She doesn't even realize this. Her own behavior to avoid this is not apparent to her or to her children. It is just learned behavior that is passed on in families with abuse. She is just recreating in her adult life what has occurred and was learned in her child hood.

Women who see their mothers abused with violence by men seem to find men in their own life that will do the same to them. They are not looking for it with a conscious mind but their subconscious mind is.

How do these women find these men and how do these men find them? It is not by accident that they do. These women do not show in a conscious way that they can be victims of abuse but they show it unconsciously to the men that find them. In the way these men can easily manipulate these women and take control over their lives, control which at first is manipulated and gained through gestures of kindness. .

At first they appear to be good for these women in the way they build their self esteem and self worth. They bring them security and happiness. They show these women great importance with love and adoration.  They handle problems that these women are afraid to face. They might stand up to a father or stepfather who has been abusive to them in the past. This makes them feel protected and safe.  These are needs all their childhood they needed but never had. These men for fill these needs in the beginning.

These women grow up with great emotional needs. Emotional needs that cause fear in them. These men play to their fears by building trust in these women where it is needed. What they build they later take away with abuse, the kind of abuse that they saw growing up.

Women, who grow up seeing this kind of abuse become victims to it. Men who grow up with it become abusive. It is all learned behavior that is passed on to generation to generation.

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