by Brittany Rose

Created on: July 21, 2008

I lose control
I lose myself
I lose control of my emotions
I lose myself in my emotions

Where am I?
Who am I?
What and why?

I tend to be my own worst enemy
Pushing myself further from who I should be
But when I'm slipping, slipping, losing grip
Rock bottom is what I hit
And this lump in the pit of my stomach expands
As I lose grip of everything I hold in my hands
All my stars, I cast back into the sky

They were once mine, but I kiss them goodbye

Try to follow my dreams, but get distracted
By the weakness I have in my heart
Try to be strong, try to hold on
But for me losing has become an art

The panic sets in
Feels like I'm sinking, sinking
The terror in my mind
I can't stop thinking, thinking
Crazy, absurd
I'm out of control
Falling further and further
Into that deep, dark hole
Despair, depression
Now what is real?
Doubts, denial
What is it that I feel?

So I'll write and I'll rhyme
To pass the time
To keep my sanity
My peace of mind

I wear no disguise
As real as the tears in my eyes
They're flowing, flooding
Drowning me in sorrow
I can no longer hold on to the hope
Of a better tomorrow
Because this world is cruel and cold
You could wait forever for your life to unfold
I'm all out of faith
I no longer have a single prayer
Maybe eventually I'll become numb
And no longer care

Because the pain stops hurting
When it's all you've ever felt
And you stop believing
When lies are all you're ever dealt

The games are overrated
And so is a broken heart
Waiting to die seems more probable
Than waiting for your life to start

It's an up hill struggle
So get in line
Drag you're ball and chain
Tell yourself you'll be fine

Grow up? Into what?
Something I'm "supposed" to be?
If I could grow into anything
I'd figure out how to grow into me

Knowledge gained from experience
Can lead to a pessimistic attitude
Life's lessons leave a sour taste
This battle is complex yet crude

Sometimes I want to give up
Put up the white flag and surrender
How do you get a hardened heart
To go back to being tender?

How do you hold on
To things like faith and trust?
How do you know the difference
Between things like love and lust?
How to you look up
When the dark clouds continue to surround?
How do you have hope
When heartache is all you've ever found?
How do you find yourself
When you are completely lost and distraught?
How do you learn from your mistakes
When you forget everything they've taught?

How do you go on
When you can't see up ahead?
How do you continue to live
When everything around you seems dead?
How do you survive
When you are filled with shame and regret?
How do you remember
When you are constantly trying to forget?

How do you love
When you are hurt over and over again?
How do you stay positive
When you've lost your only friend?
How do you think straight
When crazy thoughts encircle your head?
How do you make accomplishments
When you can't even get out of bed?

How do you be yourself
When it's not what "they" want you to be?
How to you walk forward
When you can barely even see?
How the hell do you live
With so many rules and regulations?
How the hell do you stay pure
With so many false illusions and temptations?

How and why?
Why bother to try?
When anxiety and depression
Won't get you high

But what if

There was something you could do

I wish there was something

That could save me and you

Learn more about this author, Brittany Rose.
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