by George Dimitriadis

Created on: July 20, 2008   Last Updated: November 16, 2008

"It's so simple, even a child can do it!"
How many times have we been inundated with this pervasive statement, a falsehood of DIY advertisements?
I'm not a child, being on the twilight side of half a century, and my memory is waning, but I am sure that as a child I certainly wouldn't have been capable of it!
Instructions have evolved from a simple, "Snap the four legs into place on the table top, turn upright and enjoy" to a tome where even the time required to find out what to do for Step 1 will exceed the expected life of the goods.

Nevertheless, you make your first mistake by resolving to buy a Princess Doll House for your granddaughter, Jenny. The Princess comes with the misleading proviso, "some assembly is required." This is insidious entrapment by the manufacturer that ought to incur the full wrath of our Supreme Court.
After some deliberation you make your second error of judgement by foolishly banishing the Princess to indefinite exile and opting to sequester the Queen version because the description seductively promises she will deliver "endless hours of pleasure, with more than twice the options the Princess provides."
Needless to say, in your haste to grant Jenny an audience with the Queen, you fail to appreciate subtle anomalies. Whereas the Princess merely informs you that "some assembly is required", the Queen is more demanding with her subjects by imposing that "substantial assembly will be required."
You make the purchase, the mischief is done and the box is delivered poste-haste to your doorstep. The cardboard container is alarmingly larger than you remember. You're not a short man, but you can't see over its top.
No, the delivery man explains patiently, "I can't take it inside because, sir, it won't fit through the door!"
Jenny presses your hand and excitedly cries, "Can we open it, Grandpa?"
The flaps of the box that has confined the Queen to secluded darkness are flung open, but the height of her majesty's enclosure still precludes a bird's eye view of the contents.
Misguided faith in your resourcefulness has you believe that if you tilt the box ninety degrees sideways, its opening will be accessible from a lower altitude. However, the weight of the contents and the change in the centre of mass are factors that have not been included in your contingency plan. When the box is rotated sixty degrees from the vertical, a sudden shift in its contents instantly increases the weight your hands are supporting and control is wrested from your grip.
Moments

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