5 of 10

Wait

Write now Article Tools

Let 'em wait. It's not really about knowing when to start, it's about knowing when to stop. Our children live in an age of entitlement. They believe they deserve and should get whatever they want, need, or hope for with parents as the Cornucopia of Plenty.

Children of wealthy parents frequently (but not always) are given everything their little hearts desire. Children of parents in the lower ninety percent of the population (the rest of us) want everything their little hearts desire and they argue for it by pointing to their rich friends and exclaiming with tearful lashes and a petulant pout that that's reason enough for we parents to rise to the occasion no matter how financially difficult.

And, too often, we do it.

For at least fifteen years, we parents provide everything for our children. It's the way it has to be until the kids are old enough to get that part-time job and begin contributing to the family welfare (regardless of income) so they will learn the value of education, work, diligence, sacrifice and reward and be able to pass those lessons on to their own children. Providing for our children is a habit that's hard to break.

When the demands exceed income, we fall prey to the "keeping up with the Joneses" syndrome and go into debt. She-he's so sweet, we say. Look at those eyes, we say. I'll do it just this one last time, we say.

We don't know when to stop.

We look into those baleful, limpid eyes and give them everything we can. They learn only that they can rely on someone else to provide for their needs.

It's a tough call. The decision to withhold or give would challenge Solomon himself. Who among us wants our child to risk depravity or social scorn because we withheld financial aid? Surviving in the modern world isn't cheap. An automobile is a necessity and public transportation is reserved for the poor, we think. College is expensive and how can our darlings attend without help, we think. Cell phones and Internet access are standard fare for our kids but they don't have the money for such necessities, we think.

One bird does not fly on another's wings. How far should we go in the belief that if we keep paying for our children's needs they will somehow learn to provide for themselves? The challenge of adversity and self-reliance kicks in only if our children are made to deal with it.

A fable, if I may: One day a hunter came upon a chrysalis depending from the wire of a fence on a meadow.

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Should you offer financial aid to your children now or let them wait to inherit??
We want to hear your view. Write now!