by Jerri Akins

Created on: July 20, 2008

A Conversation with Pain:

"May I come in?"

Not so fast," says my heart.

"Maybe later, then."

"Maybe."

"I'll go now."

"Not so fast," says my heart. "Talk to me. From out there."

"Very well. What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of nothing!"

"That may be true, but only because you are so well fortressed. Nothing could penetrate that wall. But how brave are you when you step outside the wall?"

"I'm not afraid. See? Here's my hand."

"Not just your hand. All of you."

"Go away. I'm tired now."

"I'm going. Rest well."

"Not so fast," says my heart. "Do you like tea?"

"What sort?"

"Something restful. Calming."

"Oh, my favorite!"

"I have some. Here."

"Very generous. Very restful. But tea is so much nicer when shared."

"Then I'll have some, too. But in here."

"Very well then. Do you have it?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about yourself."

"There isn't much to tell," says my heart.

"Then don't tell much. Tell a little."

"I don't like to talk about myself."

"Ah yes. The fortress. Okay, then I'll start. Ask me a question."

"Okay. What makes you happy?"

"Having tea with a friend. Love. Making people smile. Quiet times. Noisy times. Bad times. Sunshine. Rainy days. You know, the regular stuff."

"Did you say bad times'?"

"Yes, I did."

"Could you explain that, please?"

"It isn't that I'm actually having fun during bad times, but when they're over, I feel so much happier, that it's worth it. Haven't you ever felt that way?"

"I don't think so."

"No of course not the barricade. That's because it isn't over for you."

"What isn't?"

"The bad times. "

"I'm not having bad times!" says my heart.

"Ah."

"I'm not! I'm having tea with you. Is that a bad time?"

"What do I look like?"

"I don't know. I can't see you. But you seem nice."

"But you don't really know that. You're behind a wall. If I become unkind, you will close me out."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"You aren't feeling anything. You aren't living. There is no new sadness, but there are no thrills either. And the old sadness is still there. It can't leave until something replaces it. The only way to get rid of sadness and fear is to replace it with joy and exhilaration."

"I'm finished with my tea now."

"I've offended you. I apologize."

"No you didn't. But you really don't know what you're talking about."

"Explain."

"I'm not sad or afraid. I'm just making sure I don't get hurt again. I'm being strong. I've
taken control of my life."

"Oh, really? I am of the opinion that one does not really control life. One can only control his destiny."

"But that doesn't make any sense. What's the difference?"

"Life

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