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It is January and cold in San Jose, California. Usually the temperature is moderate but today I need a coat and find I am glad to be wearing one as I walk the couple of miles to my grandparents house. My grandmother is sick and the doctor's don't expect her to live very long. I find I am sad and extremely emotional because I never had the chance to get to know her very well.

You see, rejection of any kind and by any person can carry through your life, stuck to you like a leaf with spikes on it's edges. We were never close as I wasn't good enough, smart enough or lady like at all; I was a tom boy. So putting it plainly my grandmother didn't really like me, my independence caused me to be an outcast and there I stayed in the eyes of my family for many long years.

Walking into the house without knocking, I immediately head to my grandmother's room and see that she is sleeping. As I turn to leave a quiet voice speaks, "Cyndi, is that you"? "Yes, sorry to bother you I didn't realize you were sleeping". "It's OK dear, when you get a minute I would like to talk to you". "Sure Grandma as soon as I see if there is something I can do to help mom".

Leaving her room and heading for the kitchen I hear a cough and what sounds like a very quiet whimper. She is crying. "Mom, is there anything I can do to help you with dinner"? "No, why don't you go visit with your grandma". "OK". I dread this moment since I can't tell what will be said but nonetheless I walk back to her room and stand at the door looking in. She is so pale yet there is no fear that I can find on her face.

"Grandma, you wanted to talk to me"? "Yes. Come over her so I don't have to speak so loud because I have something I want to tell you". I knelt down beside her bed and held her hand and these are the words she spoke to me, words I will never forget.

"I wanted to apologize to you for not being the grandmother I should have been, for not accepting you and putting you down for so many years. I always thought your sister was smarter and had so much going for her but now I see I was wrong about you.

"I want you to know how much I admire you, for your independence and the way you go after life and grab hold. How your smile and laughter brighten up a room and make others smile. You have brought so much joy into my life and I wish I had treated you so much better. All I can do now is tell you how sorry I am and that I love you so much. That you have influenced me in being a better person. You are my idol, someone who I

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