Technically, you could say that any new piece of information changes your reality. Even if it's just an item you hear on the news, the picture you have of the world will be slightly altered. The question is more whether lying or being lied to makes unique and additional changes to one's reality and, if so, how?

Being lied to will only change your reality beyond simple information if it's discovered. If you never find out that something is untrue, your perceptions will be the same as if it were true. But if something you were told and believed then proves to be a lie, it can shake four different pillars of your reality:

1. The situation is not as you believed it to be
2. The person's attitude towards honesty may not be as you assumed
3. The person's attitude towards you and your relationship may not be as you imagined it
4. Your ability to discern lies may not be as acute as you thought

Psychologically, the challenge a lie presents to your views of your own ability to separate truth from falsehood is often the most destructive. The fact that you could be duped or deceived can continue to affect your self-confidence after the hurt of the betrayal has subsided.

Whether these actually do change and how much depends, of course, on how much stock you put into the person's information in the first place. If you considered them as completely honest and the lie came as a shock, it can make a drastic difference to your reality. If you were already sceptical about what you were told or had existing suspicions about their honesty, the lie won't completely transform your reality, but it can still change things by strengthening the negative views and weakening benefit of the doubt' uncertainties.

So what changes can lying make to the liar's reality? There probably isn't a single answer because there are different types of lie and liar.

The person who lies habitually, even when there's no apparent need, or recounts events with heaping dollops of poetic licence may already be living in a world of fluid realities. What we call "the truth" is to them is only one of several possible options. Lying doesn't change their reality much because reality is what they choose it to be at any given moment.

For someone who is aware of the truth but chooses to lie, reality is often reshaped in an attempt to make the deed seem more palatable or justifiable. Someone might rework their own definition of unfaithful' to support lying to their spouse about an affair, or reinterpret an off-hand remark as "wanting me to have it" about something they've denied stealing. People can also rewrite reality to portray the other party as less deserving of honesty, or unable to respond positively to it.

Even dedicated con artists might adjust their reality to accommodate their actions by telling themselves "It's a dog-eat-dog world", "If I don't someone else will" or "They have more than enough, they won't miss it".

But what about the deliberate lie that a person doesn't try to amend, such as a false entry on a resume or c.v.? Would their reality change? Not the reality of the past or of the lie, but it might make the reality of the present less certain for the liar. Are my colleagues really impressed with ME or the person they think I am? Would they respond to me in the same way if they didn't think I'd done that job? It probably wouldn't change the content of their reality but it could introduce doubts that wouldn't be there if he had told the truth.

Lying may have lots of drawbacks but realistically, it's a fact of life and some would say it's a necessary social lubricant in some cases. The best advice I heard is more pragmatic: "Always tell the truth it's easier to remember".

Learn more about this author, Adele Gregory.
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