by Ginger L. Fernandez

Created on: July 18, 2008   Last Updated: July 20, 2008

Five Steps to Breaking the Caregiver Cycle

Life is funny, some times bad things happen to good people. When something bad happens to your people, it is good to be able to help them in their time of need, but it is not your responsibility to be there to pick up the tab when they make bad decisions. If you are suffering from the delusion that just because you are the only one in the family to make good financially that you have to be the family caregiver you have never been so wrong.

Every adult is responsible for his or her own financial problems and mistakes. There is a limit to what you can do for others before it begins to hurt you financially. Do yourself a favor, shed the feelings of responsibility, and get on with your life. I know it is difficult to say no to your baby brother when he comes to you with his hat in hand and asking you to bail him out of jail. Your sister when she gave her boyfriend some money and let the electrical company shut off the lights, but you have to do it to save your own financial position. Here are five crystal-clear ways to break the caregiver cycle.

I know it sounds harsh, but it is not necessarily your responsibility to pick up the pieces of your family when they fall flat. If you want to remain friends, do not let them coerce you into holding the purse strings to their lives.

I fell off into this trap one time and have regret it ever since. Every time my little brother needed help, he came to me and I always came through money in hand. One day he begged me to bail him out of jail. Naturally, I could not leave him behind bars. I drained my bank account and paid his bail. In doing so I over extended my giving that month and did not have enough to pay my phone bill. The phone company had no sympathy they cut off my phone with out batting an eye. I learned my lesson and have never done that again. Here are the rules I live by.

1. Once you have exhausted the money you have set aside to give shift the blame. Tell them that you are broke. Suggest to them that they set up a budget to help them keep on track in the future.
2. If your motive for giving is trading love for money, you must realize that it does not work. Rethink the relationship they do not have a license to bleed you dry.
3. If you are embarrassed to tell a confidant about your giving you will know that you are crossing the good sense line let it go. Distinguish between loan and a gift. Either give the money as a gift or set up a clear repayment schedule. If you cannot stand to loose the money, do not loan it. Get loan terms in writing. For help visit the following web site: (lawdepot.com).
4. Offer advice through means of debt solution. Give them support through self-sufficiency. Offer to help them set up a savings account. You can even make the first deposit as an invective. Help your favorite niece with school expenses, but do not place the cash in her hot little hands she might go on a spending spree. Buy those books, pay those lab fees and gift them to her etc.
5. Raise thrifty children. Do not allow your children to fall off into the same bad habit patterns that you set for yourself in the past.

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