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I'm interested in the man, who I'm most interested in, who is most interested in me.

Sound convoluted? Let's break it down. And I'll warn in advance that I can only speak to this subject from a woman's perspective. I don't know if men feel the same way and have the same experiences, but I would love to find out. I have a lot of male friends here who are great communicators, so I hope they'll share.

I've noticed that women have a tendency to respond with greater interest and pressing need to the men who are hardest to get. I've seen this in myself. Call it an alpha competitive drive, not sure, but I would often be more likely to expend most energy on the man I considered the best "catch". Often these men had many options available, and I wanted to be the one they chose. Somehow, that affirmed my female worth. Often, however, these men were also aloof, easily distracted and egotistical. Never that into me. At least not as much as they were into themselves.

After a bad relationship a few years back with a guy matching this description, I decided that any man I was involved with in the future would have to be my "biggest fan". Now by this I don't mean that he worships me and that I can do no wrong, just that this person accepts and loves me, faults and all, and truly understands and appreciates my many strengths and qualities. He's Just Not That Into You, the book which changed my romantic life forever, reinforced this idea, and moreover removed even more scales from my eyes, so I could more clearly see (and accept! without judgment) when someone was into me, or not.

Today, I define my dating and relationship needs this way: I'm interested in the man, who I'm most interested in, who is most interested in me. Given the theoretical choice between two men I desire, the one who desires ME equally will always be the right choice.

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