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For years men have been encouraged now to "get in touch with their female side". From eating quiche to attending retreats where they talk about their feelings. Opting into housework and childcare, even as the primary caregiver while the female partner works. Listening, sharing, caring. Being emotionally aware, alive and available.

It occurred to me just this morning, that women are never encouraged to get in touch with their male side.

Jung called these aspects of the psyche the anima (female) and animus (male). I've known for some time that I have a well developed male side (although I've never really thought of it in those terms). I've told you before about doing construction work, you probably see some of the personality traits yourselves.

But I've also come to realise that when I'm in a relationship, or even just flirting with, or on a date with a man, my femininity becomes highlighted. I actually feel myself "turn into a girl". Much more so than when I'm alone, just doing regular life. In those times I seem to have a strong balance of male and female characteristics. In the week I just spent with my fiance on the coast, the same thing happened. I became a little more submissive, a little more feminine, a little more sexual, a little more gentle and nurturing. My inner male half suppressed, allowing him to become the expression of that. He assumed that role, in other words, and my female nature emerged fully and balanced him.

Now that I'm back - and it took a couple of weeks to adjust - my male side has resurfaced and is now filling both roles again.

And so it occurs to me, that the secret to a woman being successfully single (meaning, that one has no need to mate out of desperation, but rather can afford to choose) ... is in developing that male side of our psyche and persona.

It is not just the ability to gain skills and knowledge typically in the male domain, which leave us feeling vulnerable and helpless if we do not (like home and car maintenance and repair), it is a certain confidence that women typically lack. A feeling of competence, of self-knowing. Men have no voices of dissent in their heads, gnawing away at their self esteem and image on a daily basis. They don't bite the corner of their bottom lips at the magazine covers while standing in line at the checkout. They are content to just be. Truly they are comfortable in their own skins, comfortable in the same jeans they've had for three years, and they don't care if their belt matches their shoes. They care about doing well at what they've chosen to do, they care about the esteem of others as it relates to who they are as people. They care about their friends and family. They care about being entertained, and relaxing and enjoying life.

The ones who don't match this description have probably already developed their female sides.

Remember, I'm not saying: Become like a man. I'm saying that some of these characteristics go a long way to carrying ourselves with confidence and pride, and seeing ourselves as whole, capable people. Not just fragile women desperate for a compliment and some approval-attention from an attractive man.

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