Should we settle for less or should we settle for comfort, both the same question, yet two different answers! The answer for settling for less is easy; meaning your partner is not what you wanted but since they have stuck around so long, you will settle for less! Now the answer for settling for comfort is; that you have picked your partner and regardless of the destruction in your marriage, you still decide to stick around because you are comfortable.

Being in a marriage for ten years I ponder on this decision I made and one that bites me every waking day of my life! I never expected my marriage to turn out like this. I always thought I made the right choice and that I would grow old with this man; I call my husband. Oh, how I was so wrong and all I can think about is trying to get out of this destructive marriage without hurting my children.

When that question arises settling for less, many of us do not understand it. As time goes by, and years accumulates onto your marriage. Your marriage turns into a boxing ring where gloves are off and the both of you are toe to toe. Fights erupt, name-calling begins, and only one fighter comes out unscathed. The other leaves feeling defeated because of the verbal abuse that just occurred in that ring. So now, are you settling for less or are you just in this marriage because you are comfortable? No one should have to encounter verbal abuse or even physical abuse. A marriage is a joining of two souls that merge as one. No marriage is perfect but there are marriages that can conquer all those bumps in the road and come out better then before. As a married couple, we have to learn to fight accordingly, because we all get into disagreements, no matter what phase the marriage has settled into. Nevertheless, if you can argue and argue fairly, then you will be able to move on without regret. Disagreements in a marriage are very healthy, you learn a lot from arguing. However, if you are constantly arguing then maybe the marriage is hitting one of those rough patches that need help. Therefore, you try your hand in counseling, group therapy, couples meetings, and your marriage still shows no progress, so what do you try next?

I believe most of us just settle for less because we fear there is nothing else out there. We believe that once you are in a marriage it is for better or for worst. We start to become comfortable and are afraid to leave our comfort zone. No! I believe when the question arises in your head of am I settling for less, then obviously there is something wrong within your relationship. Happy couples do not come across that question. If your marriage does cross that thresh hold, you definitely have to do something about it. We all deserve to be in a happy marriage. We all deserve a marriage of complete bliss and no regrets. You want to be able to look at your partner and smile without anything said. You want to feel as though the two of you are one. So do not settle for less or comfort; it is just a path to devastation and destruction. We all are entitled to a happy and fulfilled life. We want to look back into our past and tell ourselves that we did okay.

I want to just be happy, whether I do it alone or eventually find that husband that will put a smile back on my face; I do not want to settle for less nor comfort! I just want to be happy in a marriage, one that I deserve. I want to grow old with a man I can proudly call my husband as we settle into our lifetime of comfort!

Learn more about this author, Joann Rangel.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Marriage: Settling for less?
We want to hear your view. Write now!