by Starri Knight

Created on: January 04, 2007   Last Updated: November 07, 2011

I've observed and learned that there are five important ways in which a man and woman must find compatibility, in order to form a successful long-term romantic relationship. While we all feel that there's no "perfect thing" and enter into a new romantic situation wondering what we can sacrifice, and what's non-negotiable, I would suggest that harmony on these five major points is essential.

Physical
Obvious, perhaps. But you must in fact find your partner both sexually appealing and beautiful. This means no need to change anything about them. Many discount sexual happiness, considering it a guilty pleasure or a perk, that they could do without if they are happy in many other "more important" ways. Sexual happiness creates the bliss and euphoria that glues you together with desire. Not touching each other, not giving each other that rapture and ecstasy turns a passionate love into cohabitation. It is what feeds and enforces the yin and yang energy of your unification.

You must also feel beautiful in your partner's eyes. Often again, we think there are things we would like to change about our mate, or things we can tolerate, but wish were different. These things are all subtly communicated in our action, inaction, words and silences. If there is something you find physically unattractive about your partner, your relationship will not work. I personally have been in situations where I felt judged, or merely "accepted". It erodes self esteem to the point of dejection.

Mental
You must be able to relate to each other intellectually. My mother once told me, "Never marry a man who is not as smart as you are." If you are unable to express openly and experience life verbally as well as physically, you will grow bored and disenchanted. You will seek stimulation elsewhere, finding yourself having animated conversations at cocktail parties with someone else and thinking: WOW, if only .... Now, this doesn't mean that an astrophysicist can only mate with another astrophysicist. But it is necessary to have someone of near equal intellect who you find fascinating and enlightened in their views and self-expression. If you can't do the New York Times crossword together, or compete in Scrabble, you will find your mind wandering off in search of more challenging puzzles.

This mental compatibility is also the basis for critical communication in a relationship. You *must* be able to talk to your partner. Whether it is about your fears and concerns, your problems, or your joys. You

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