by Lisa H Warren

Created on: July 16, 2008   Last Updated: November 06, 2008

Yelling detracts from a parent's ability to have his words and rules respected, and it does little to reinforce teaching respect for others.

One mistake parents make is to believe that yelling will get them taken seriously. Parents who yell all the time have children who learn to tune out the yelling. Worse, they stop taking their parent seriously. The parent who rarely yells but has an authoritative, intimidating, booming voice when he does may intimidate children into behaving, but intimidation is not the most effective form of discipline. Discipline is supposed to be about teaching - not scaring.

It is true that parents who generally never yell, but who suddenly do, may shock their children into taking them seriously; but making children fear that their parent has suddenly developed a new personality is not the healthiest approach.

Then there are parents who yell all the time. When parents yell all the time their children learn to ignore it. As a result, ever-yelling parents may escalate the yelling, thinking that's what it will take. More ominous, parents who feel the increasing need to escalate the yelling may go beyond volume and begin using cutting words too.

Even the youngest of children see yelling as the lack of parental control that it is. On top of that, when people of any age are yelled at they are less interested in cooperating with the yeller. Out-of-control people, and those who choose to yell because that's the only thing they know, do not gain the respect of children.

The reason children younger than four years old act up is usually a matter of lack of sufficient supervision and/or attention. More than one child under four is often an invitation for yet more acting up. Mothers who do something like work in the kitchen as two three-year-olds play in the bedroom will discover, sooner or later, that too much unsupervised times can lead to acting up.

It is possible to supervise little kids well, without having to sit down and play with them. Having them set up sit-down toys nearby helps them feel as if they're with their parent while they play. Three-year-olds love to talk to their mother as they build their blocks or color. Having two young children play nearby works well too. That doesn't mean a parent can't say, "I'm going to go put the laundry in. I'll be back in a minute."

Two-year-olds need a parent nearby a good part of the time because (besides needing to be watched) being two is frustrating, and two-year-olds aren't emotionally able to handle

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>