by Annie Eitman

Created on: July 15, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I am the direct result of the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn. My father, grief-stricken that Walter O'Malley had whisked his beloved Bums' away, decided that his life was more or less over, so he hung up his mitt, got married, and had children. And here I am, ready to tell Mr. McCourt what's what.

The Dodger franchise has tremendous potential. There is no NFL team in Los Angeles to compete for fan dollars. It is summertime here year round. The gas crunch has stifled travel to see the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. For that matter, it has stifled any expensive vacation, making a stadium jaunt all the more alluring. Besides, Angelenos are, well, just plain koo-koo about baseball.

What opportunitie$! But first you have to get there, and that parking lot is a maze like no other. So of course the first step is to simplify the parking system. Right now, using umpteen parking attendants that run in and out of traffic, they try to load the cars into the lot to reflect a first-in, first-out' scenario. This means if you get there nice and early, you park somewhere east of the Mississippi. It also means that all else being equal, you will be last to jump onto the freeway because those parked closest to the stadium, i.e. the latecomers, will breeze past you on your marathon hike to your vehicle. For goodness sake, let people park where they want. Paint a parking grid, get the parking attendants to safety, and let Darwin take the hindmost.

The All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion needs to be revamped to offer salad. Ok, maybe not. But at least add a surcharge to pay for the increased healthcare bill we'll all be paying for if some of these chowhounds don't stop chewing to watch a pitch once in a while.

Water fountains - this issue dates back to the opening of the stadium. Walter O'Malley, in another attempt to boost beer sales, had no water fountains put in. None. This backfired on him. It's still backfiring. During a day game last month, the on-field thermostat registered just under 120 degrees Farenheit. Mas agua, por favor, before someone sues for a heat-related injury.

Color scheme yes, this is messing with a classic, but please forest green palm trees and baby blue/turquoise trim? This is what happens when boys blindly pull crayons out of a box. Go play ball and let us girls have at it. I'd love to see what some copper trim could do to that faade.

Now, onto the field. Russell Martin is undoubtedly the star of this show. The Dodgers use him as a catcher, yet he never played that position until

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