All over our nation, there are thousands behind bars. Now a days all those behind the bars, aren't drug addicts, and murders anymore. I have a loved one doing 11 to 23 months, for a charge he already did time for.
I never knew much about the legal system. During high school I had a few friends that were in and out of the clink, spending one or two nights, but that was it. I have seen the movies, where the guy gets locked up and his girl swears to wait for him. I never believed that if you were apart from someone that long, that you could maintain a relationship.
I have learned that time has no ill feelings when love is involved. I am a firm believer of that now. I never thought I would be able to stick it out, that I would be able to do the things I've done for him, or the simple task of staying faithful.
My fiancee has served almost 8 months of his sentence. A lot has changed since he has been gone. We have a beautiful daughter. A daughter he has seen pictures of, and got an hour visit through a piece of glass. A daughter he has never held, not even for a moment.
Right after he was sent to jail, my mind began racing. I had no idea what do to, or how to live without him. I did not realize how much I loved him and all his faults until they were not a part of my everyday life anymore. Stupid things like leaving the toilet seat up, or forgetting to recap the toothpaste no longer mattered. I wanted the simple things, nighttime kisses and early morning breakfast.
Most people look down on the family of inmates, because of where they are. I learned that not every inmate is a dope dealer off the streets. On my first visit to the county jail, I noticed a variety of characters. There were the typical stereotypes, young female, child, baby's father in jail. But there were a lot of things I did not expect. I never thought I would see a 45 year old white woman wearing Louis Vuitton shoes sitting there waiting to see her husband, but there she was.
Sometimes the best part of visiting him is the people I met in the lobby. People of all different neighborhoods, ethnic backgrounds, and ages. You sit and wait for an hour surrounded by people that are going through the same thing you are, so everyone does the same thing, brings up kind conversation. Most people will either tell you all about their inmate, or some won't bring them up at all. I have met a lot of great people, and it is nice to have someone to talk to who understands what you are going through.
On my last visit down to visit Shawn, I took our daughter with me. We were sitting in the waiting room with ten minutes to go. A woman sat besides and complimented my beautiful child, I could see she was lost, so I offered friendly conversation, and soon she poured her heart out to me, so I listened. Sometimes when you hear someone else's story you realize that things could be worse.
I recently joined a chat forum for family, and friends of inmates. I've seen woman who have 4 years until their loved one is home. If someone would have asked me two years ago if I would wait a year for someone in jail, I would of probably said no. Since I have met Shawn and we fell in love, he has become my daughter's father, my fiancee, but most importantly my best friend. He asked me a few visits ago if he ever got a life sentence would I start my life over. I answered as honest as possible. No I could not and I would not want to. Part of me is behind those bars, and part of me is out. To be free is glorious, and to be lock in is overwhelming, but being torn between both is utterly unbearable, but even a life sentence could not make me change my mind, or love him any less. He is always the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night, and my first thought when I a wake in the morning.